ATL

I’m a lil twat for feeling like my sister don’t have my back. She paid for my Uber from the airport to my Airbnb. I know at the end of the day my siblings have my back. And at least her business is listed under all my posts because I rather promote her business rather anyone else.
anyways, I know now…moving on.

my Uber was a black BMW suv driven by a young guy with dreads…when I got it in the car it smelled loud as hell. Instantly the addict in me wanted to smoke. “Aye can I buy a g?”, I asked.

when I asked him this, he was like: “you smell weed in my car!?!?” And I was like: “hell yea, bro!”

he instantly started spraying stuff and acted like I was the police. I told him to relax and that he was still gonna get five stars from me through Uber. We ended up having a fun ride. He was digging my music because he was BLASTING it the entire ride…he wasn’t even blasting his own music like that!

he ended up selling me a gram and leafs and a lighter for $12…a STEAL! I instantly rolled up and called my pastor while smoking…telling him about it all. I could tell my pastor thought it was all funny and suppressed his laughter a bit. I called my sister to thank her for the Uber ride and I also FaceTimed my parents and nephew to show my Airbnb. You can tell the guy who’s the husband here (the host for my Airbnb) thinks I’m an exciting guest…his wife on the other hand…a bit peeved that I’m not too inviting to chit chat with her.

i also called Shervy who reminded me “not to care” and how I will “never see these people again”…I doubt that though…maybe they’ll come to a concert one day and visit me backstage and say: “you actually stayed at our airbnb once…”

all in all, my first day in Atlanta was amazing. The only thing I didn’t like were the comfort level of the seats on my airplane. The airplane seats are so hard. I yearn for first class.

its past 2am. It’s raining a lot….luckily I packed an umbrella, shower cap, and a curling iron to ensure a good hair day for my audition. I’m also up because I wanted to go over lines.

i ate so much on my first day here that my belly is poking out profusely. I pray it goes down so I can have a flat tummy to go along with my tight fitting denim dress.

This bed I’m in is so comfortable… it’s one of those plush mattresses that your body sinks into… its softer than memory foam. I haven’t looked at my lines yet but I will after writing this post. in playing this character two ways: one really bougie, like she cares what others thinks of her… may or may not have had money all her life … and another like me: classy ghetto, which is basically like a woman who tells it like it is but has a bit of hood in her that will never go away. I envision this role as:  Samantha Jones mixed with Carrie Bradshaw – from sex in the city.

I find it strange that this role was only on page and  I got a callback for it. And how I flew all the way here and bought an Airbnb and flight to be here…this trip was around $500, but I probably spent about $350 so far. I hope my stomach goes down before my audition…

I watched an Anne Hathaway movie because that’s exactly who this character is a bit like, mixed with Taraji P Henson. An odd combination but something I can pull off. I like the facial expressions of Anne with the sass of Taraji. I hope I book this role and people fall in love with the show & my character.

i just really want my life to change. I started thinking about my life and how I want so much. I decided to start moving in this world like I’m expecting it to happen. I want the best and I’ve had the worst and I don’t want that to be repeated through out my life. I may have my addiction but at least I recognize it and working on it. I smoked two blunts today… it only made me extra hungry.

i ate like two deviled egg sandwiches, a banana, a green juice, lots of potato chips, two baloney sandwiches, and a peanut butter sandwich, with more potato chips, and an avocado with carrot sticks…that’s a lot for me… but at least it’s not all bad foods.

i need to go pee… one second. The bathroom is weird here… I have to go upstairs to use the bathroom. I just returned to my room and was hit with the smell of weed… that’s what I absolutely hate about weed… it tells on you with its smell.

I think I’m going to read my lines and go back to bed with the movie that has Anne Hathaway, playing in the background. This movie is kind of sad to me… it’s about a woman who’s 40 who falls in love with a pop star that is half her age. This 40 year old woman also has a 17 year old daughter and is divorced… I’m 40, and luckily, I’ve never been through divorce & being forced to share custody of a child of the man whose left me for another woman…. Men – ugh! Women are ugh-too! I tell you, I find peace being by myself.

I’ll never regret not having kids. I’ve raised enough through 18 years of being a nanny and as far as love… no thanks. I do not want to be involved with a whole other human. I don’t want to share my bed, I dont want to have to worry about a man’s “needs”. Fuck all that shit… and you can call me selfish but it’s my prerogative.

Dear God, I pray that I have a vision for this character. I pray that I listen to what the other actor is saying and react appropriately. I pray that I’m not scared and that my hands do not shake the papers from my script. Let me stay relaxed-regardless if there are 2 people in the room versus 20 people in the room. Let me feel comfortable if I’m reading opposite a well known actress or an actress not known at all. Let me stand tall and feel confident. Let my makeup and hair look flawless… let me shine. Let the words fall out of my mouth so easily and let me truly embody the character during my audition tomorrow. Please let me also do well in Jesus name amen. Also, please let Shervy stop reading my online diary…(if he is).