5am

The alarm beeped and I found the front door ajar. I looked briefly and saw no one outside. It was very scary because I thought Mrs. Smith left the house but she was asleep. Felt like some spirit but I’m not scared. I told the son what happened and he said he was going to be here between 9-10am. This job is kinda stressful…I don’t want to get my first gray hair working here.

the elderly woman coughed LIKE SHE WAS DYING…allllllllll last night. When I offered her water…I swear I could hear the water trickle down inside her elderly body.

I keep telling everybody on this app I’m 40…I don’t like how I’m now working with the near dead. It’s very stressful!!!

i can’t quit though. I can tell they need me. It’s not so bad. Maybe in the morning it will get better. I don’t know. I need help. God what is going on…why am I here??!

why my life gotta be like this? I rather be in my hotel bed right now!! I fucking hate my life. I have jobs that pay very little and I do a lot for them.

working with Anabel is no easy feat!!!! And I get maybe almost 2k a month and I have to stay OVERNIGHT FRI-MONDAY for only 200…I get paid decent but not nearly enough.

why can’t I have what I want. I watched the voice…I don’t want to COMPETE for my dream on some weirdo singing competition. Why can’t I have someone help my career? Taylor swift & Beyonce had help from her parents, rhianna had help, Tyla had help…where is MY help?!?

why is my life so stressful unhappy and full of struggle.

I literally been on edge allll night. First I thought this lady was about to die on my first night working with her and now the door opens by itself at 5am in the morning!?!? Life WTF

AND MY HEART….i still feel guilty (only a little bit) that I stole from cvs…I wish I had more money…I also wish Shervy had more money. It’s like I have a twenty dollar spending limit each day…he doesn’t even have enough money but the little he does have to spare can lift my rainy days….like when yesterday I was upset but I bought clothes for the first time in a very long time.

I wear perfume stolen from my middle school. I wish I could afford memento or Versace or Chanel…but the only perfume I have that smells good is this fragrance called bare from VS.

i fucking hate everything. But I’m just gonna “be grateful/ satisfied” with what I have….HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE FAITH…IM 40 and it has not happened yet….

dear god, HELP ME