1.5 hours of sleep
Dear Jesus,
I called my nonbinary friend named Sean Erika. Her name was Erika…and I still call her that but she now goes by Sean. She lets me call her Erika because that is what I know her by.
shes going to be very rich one day. She always had the mentality of making money. When she moved back home, she easily bought a new car with cash. She just knows how to “get money”.
right now she’s studying for her masters. She’s going to be a therapist. I called her last night almost crying…but instead with a weak whiney voice….
“Can you help me”
”ofc, you know I’ll always be here for you,” she says…
”can i complain for 2 minutes and then you can hang up…I just need to get it out of me”
In two minutes i told her about my part and about my work life and everything i was feeling…
”I’m so sorry that you have to work in a hostile work environment. You definitely don’t deserve that. I wish the HR department could have removed that woman instead of having her work in your classroom. Don’t let them steal your joy, especially in this moment. Don’t think about things in the future when you cant do anything about it. You can hold on some of that energy for this role but afterwards let it go. Do your best work with Anabel and focus only on her. You are doing the Lords work and take pride in that. You must not worry another second about anything else but instead, relish in the joy of having your first leading role in a film. I’m going to be the first person to see it. We are definitely going to the film festival this year because you know I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”, she says.
Sean Erika is one of my favorite people on earth. She left me when she had a girlfriend and could barely talk to me anymore. Much like most people when they get in relationships. But then she broke up with her girlfriend and moved from New York back home. I haven’t seen her in person for years…now she lives about an hour away.
I slept afterwards for 1.5 hours…that’s all I got. I’m really exhausted. My dad called me. I love his voice. It’s so soothing. He told me that he made a makeshift bed in the backseat for me. I love my dad so much. I love my mom just as much. They are equal in my eyes…even though my dad treats me way better.
im about to get ready to go….for my first leading role in a film…ahhhh. I want to cry Jesus!! My dreams are coming true. I’m so happy. My tears are flowing…they say you see every tear. Maybe you see mine now as I’m typing.
I’m so grateful for everything you’ve given me. I’m sorry that I seem ungrateful at times. I remember saying to myself: I’m so far away….im doing a short film while Ariana Grande has just completed the movie Wicked. I’m paying to be in this film with clothes, food, travel and lodging alone….yet she probably got over a million dollars for a role of a life time….
PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THINKING THAT. But I realize You are working this way so I never forget who You are. So when You take me to higher levels, I stay humble and remember who got me here in the first place.
sure some will say, well you worked hard for it….but faith without works is dead…
YOU GOT ME HERE….
even with Anabel….You placed me with her. I’m meant to be with Anabel. She’s my girl. Her family is my family. That’s how it’s gonna be until I make it. I am sure of it.
and I should have faith in knowing….that You will take care of the hostile work environment.
Dear Heavenly Father, I ask that you open my heart to forgiveness. That’s something I need help with. I can never forget when people do me wrong or treat me unkind. It’s like getting bitten by a snake….i never forget the sting and the scar stays forever on my skin. I am that way with people. All it takes is one time. I can be kind back but I never forget and I put a wall up immediately. I did that with my siblings/family members and I do that with all other people.
let me know how to move in this life when I come across unkind people. Please protect me from all evil.
and when I’m on set…let me stay in perfect peace. Amen.