My F*k Boy

After three years, I am losing attraction to him due to his consistent collection of more and more women to satisfy his sexual addictions and needs. I am not a competitive woman and would rather sit and wait on a special someone who zeros in on me, what he wants, not a conceited show-off who treats women like brands of beer he is trying to deconstruct every flavor and type of to see what/who and what about her (or him) that satisfies him the most or who is willing to do what. I don’t have the time for that and quite frankly I am a grown-up, I am not in middle school. I have never liked these men who have a fake good-guy image that everyone loves, but when you get him home, he is just an evil conniving selfish jerk. I don’t know how despite hating these kind of men I ended up with one. Maybe it’s his intelligence. But for sure it is his naturally nurturing nature. No wonder with a mother like mine who cannot wait to throw me under a bus I would enjoy a kind and nurturing man despite all his flaws. He devotedly pushes for us to remain life-long friends while I occasionally try to break free of him to find a family man of my own. I have no more desire to meet up to please him or hope he would just take me sexually for an entire day. His bullshit has outgrown my desires. I woke up one morning and calmly told myself I do not want to bother with him anymore and I have not stopped rejecting meeting up with him since. Go figure. I hope he does not think it’s because we finally had missionary sex and that I did not like it, I loved it, and frankly with what he’s put me through his assessment of me I do not even care. It is like a partially blind man trying to tell me his assessment of me that he cannot even clearly see. He has lost any respect I once had for him with his game playing. I have a life to live and love in. Despite what most people see as struggles, I see as ‘us’, my family, our journey, me and my lovely children that I can’t wait to see what sort of goofy shenanigans they will come up with next, these children that I love.