Therapy Day

I went to therapy today. It was good. Sort of purged a lot of thoughts about a lot of things. She asked if I was over Jessie, and I said I was and that I recognize that she didn’t treat me well. Told her about the two women I almost had dates with who ghosted me, and AD and I getting together for a fling in the future. Told her my worries about fame. Told her a bunch of things. I dunno it was good. She was helpful.

Jessie liked something I posted on my artist facebook, the “professional” page not my personal page, about this workshop our festival is doing soon. And I dunno, I found it interesting she didn’t like the post that was originally on our festival page which is a bit of a more neutral place. BUT ALSO she didn’t share it, and normally she does share that stuff. So I wonder if she is still irked by me in some way. Whatever.

We are gonna see each other next Saturday for like this day long meeting with the festival people. I don’t know, I’m torn between wanting to be friendly and also just being so annoyed with her and her rotten behaviour.

I have work to do today, which is just basically watching a bunch of films that I am making art in response to. I have no ideas, which is why I need to do my homework and see what I am talking about.

I figured out how to shoot this experimental video I want to make to include in the big fancy show to talk back to this political issue happening there.

I dunno, what else? I bought new pants in a size smaller than I have been wearing, and they fit but I’m worried they are just like, a milimetre too small. I know they are fine, and will probably stretch a tiny bit. But I’m not used to pants that fit because all my other pants have been way too big. Like the kinds of pants you see in weight loss commercials where they pull out the waistband and show a giant gap. ANYWAY, these are way tighter. And it’s good really, I’m just not used to it. I did buy three more pairs of pants from that company though in the same size so I’m hoping it works out. Clothes are so weird.

I’ve been trying to dress better since I got this big news and found out I would be a bit more in the public eye. I guess the next thing is to start actually ironing my shirts or something. And shine my boots. I got a haircut the other day and look miles better. I anticipate being done my Invisalign treatment by the time my fancy screening happens in the fall. So I’ll have a nice smile by then. It’s weird, I don’t know why I decided to do these things last year. I mean the shirts and dressing better happened after I found out about the show. But the Invisalign started way before that. I remember too when I decided to do it, I was thinking “Do I want to be on the red carpet or some magazine cover or in some publicity photos looking the way I do?” And I didn’t want that, I wanted to look good. And now I do I guess? I mean there’s still time before my Invisalign is done. But it gets better every month.

I’m glad I found decent pants tho. Holy crap, my jeans were depressing me.