Over The Borderline, Going to Lose My Mind

I don’t know what it is with Hometown, but there seem to be a number of people with Borderline Personality Disorder here.

I had a weird night last night. I went to the gay bar with Ricky and her partner Lee and there was a lot of polyamorous people there, MOSTLY STRAIGHT polya’s, so it was kind of creepy. Like just being overrun by guys with four or five girlfriends each and it’s like so yuck. I know don’t yuck people’s yums but go to some straight bar and do that, don’t assume you can take over queer space just because you’re polya. Anyway whatever they do what they want, but I kind of made some offhand annoyed status about it on Facebook and then went to bed. And then today mostly I was off facebook because I was at the casino with my friend and then we went to dinner and had a nice time and then went to her house. So like yeah I was off having a life.

SO ANYWAY by the time I get home and check facebook this casual acquaintance is having a major borderline meltdown about my flippant rude status about polya’s. I mean whatever rude is subjective I was annoyed with this group of people at the bar and I have a right to have an opinion about that. ANYWAY this person is freaking out on their timeline in a really classic way I have seen them behave where they get so angry and then start escalating to threatening self harm to be extra manipulative. And I knew it was going there and they were throwing out some not so veiled insults and I wasn’t really mad at them because this is kind of their pathetic pattern they do just about every week about some thing or another. ANYWAY long story short I felt if they didn’t want to read my ridiculous opinion about polya’s in queer spaces, maybe it would be better if we weren’t friends. It’s just for the best, I don’t want to feel like I am triggering them all the time. And that’s kind of the guilt trip they were trying to put on me. So yeah, UNFRIEND. But between them and Michelle and these other two borderline’s I know, it feels like Hometown is just filled with these people. I don’t know why, maybe it’s just that they gravitated towards each other because they have the same thing, and somehow I got in there.

Sometimes people confuse my diagnosis and start talking to me like I am also borderline and it’s like noooooo I’m bipolar it’s a mood thing not a personality disorder. And not to be mean to borderlines but I’m glad I don’t have it because there is mostly decent medication for bipolar and it can be managed pretty well. Also when I see behaviour like this it’s just like fuck sabotaging friendships is like, the thing they do. And it’s sad for them. But I’ve unfriended and been unfriended two borderlines in the last month and it’s just like, I dunno, a relief I guess.

It’s weird.

Aside from that Hometown drams, things were good today. I lost money at the casino so like, damn. Oh well. I booked a cute tattoo for January 23rd. I have pretty tattoos, but this is the first CUTE tattoo. It’s a pie slice with the words “Pie Daddy” over it. It’s gonna be ridiculous. I’m getting it on my stomach. No one is gonna see it unless I lift up my shirt. Probably only my future girlfriend will see it really. I might get her to do my butt tattoo in the future too, and my pet tattoos. I have a plan! And I like her style. I like the woman who did my chest tattoo but I knew she wouldn’t have the right style for this pie one. I wanted something bright and cartoony. Mostly the reason I want it is because I like making pies for cute girls. And cause I have a ridiculous butch Daddy fetish that I’ve never explored. But I don’t want to get some BDSM tattoo on me, just a wholesome pie slice with Pie Daddy overtop.

I had this friend who had a tattoo of flames on his lower back with the word Liar in them, like Liar liar pants on fire. It was funny. He had a tattoo of the word YOURS on his inner upper arm so he could flash it while having sex with his boyfriend. Ha ha aww I like cute tattoos. I want a cute tattoo of my two dogs on my calves. Like running around my calves or something.

When I finished my chest there was like this feeling of “OKAY now I am done that fucking hurt so bad I’m not putting myself through this again!” And then when I get an idea it’s like “Welp I guess we’re going there again!” It’s kind of like falling in love. Like you know it has a high chance of being super painful, and it is, and when it’s over you briefly swear you’ll never go there again, until you see someone cute and sign up for the whole experience all over again. I know there’s a point in people’s old age where they can’t get tattooed anymore, like it’s just not a great idea because your skin gets thinner and stuff. And so yeah I guess I’ll just keep collecting tattoos until that day. I’ll probably act like I’m gonna quit. But am I? No probably not.

I’m gonna be an old tattooed lady in the seniors centre, playing cribbage with a tired old dachshund beside me and wearing gold rings just because.