Maybe Some Hope After All

I went for dinner with my friend M. today. They were fun to talk to, we hadn’t hung out for a long time so we had a lot to catch up on. I was telling them the latest on baby making journey which is talking with my donor about how to approach the fertility clinic to start storing sperm. M. was like “Wow you are really gonna have a baby!” And then I was like yeah but I still don’t know who is going to gestate it. They said “You’re gay, you should amalgamate your desire for a partner with your desire for a baby and get a partner who will carry your baby. And it will be their baby too.” And I was like yeah and then kind of expressed how hard it’s been to find someone. M. said “You should date a midwife! They want babies!”

And then I don’t know, this sort of missing puzzle piece clicked into place. And I remembered this midwife my friend Vanessa had introduced me to. She was cute, femme, took us to the birth centre. I misheard her name when Vanessa introduced us. But I remembered what she looked like, I remembered her face really clearly. So anyway maybe this is creepy, I was gonna just ask my friend Vanessa to hook us up. But then I wondered if I could find her online somewhere. And I did a bit of googling and found her and her name. And her name is more anonymous on FB but she was recognizable there too. So I friend requested her. I seem to remember her saying she’s not on facebook much tho. So I still might ask Vanessa to hook us up. She and I have 39 mutual friends, who are all pretty decent people. And yeah she’s cute. I feel like, oh man maybe I am really old for her. I am 40. And she’s like, what, maybe in her 30’s? FUCK maybe she is in her 20’s. I mean it’s fine, Jessie was 38, which isn’t a huge difference. But she was younger. And some of my other friends are younger and it’s fine.

ANYWAY ha ha all of this to say I want to try and snag a date with her and I’m kind of dubious about it, because I don’t want her to know I’m googling her and shit. And like yeah… she’s cute tho. And she gave me a ride home from our festival one night. She lives just down the road. I think she’s single. I mean things change all the time tho. But I got a good feeling from her when we met and talked and stuff. She has a car. Ha ha that’s nice. I dunno, it seems funny. Like if she does go on a date with me, and if this worked out… I dunno it would be funny to have met someone who seemed decent and then only clue in a few months later that you want to date them.

I think politically we align. I don’t know about sexual or romantic feelings, I really don’t know her well at all. I do think she’s cute though, and I know I trusted her fairly quick when we met, which isn’t something I do for just anyone. And obviously she has a career.

It would be fucking INSANE if I met the future mother of my child/my partner as she gave me a tour of the birth centre where she would give birth to our kid. FUCK THAT WOULD BE NUTS! I mean ha ha omg I don’t want to rush things. She might not be into me, I have no idea. Although she did have this very sweet smile when she saw me the last time.

It would also be funny if all these false starts and one date with no second dates people were just a lead up to something that comes together way easier and better. I mean I guess that’s how a real relationship goes anyway tho. I like her. I feel like there’s possibility. I dunno, I need to see.

I may still need to ask my friend to hook us up on a date.

And I am still going away three goddamn times this month and might not be able to see her until I am back from all of that.

Ha ha anyway there is my nerdy post talking about hoping for a date with someone I have only talked to twice and rode in a car with. I guess hopes have been built on less!