Insecure Laundry Day

I’m doing my laundry and cleaning my house today. It’s a mess, and I need to take out recycling and trash. So much recycling. So much trash. I have a winter’s worth of Amazon boxes out back I need to crush. So many pop bottles and cans. Ugh. And this floor needs a wash, and my dishes need doing.

I’m glad I’ll have clean clothes again. I was going low low low on my favourite clothes, even though I wore more t shirts than button ups this last week cause I was home sick mostly. I’m almost totally out of jeans.

Last night I went to an opening instead of my friend’s house party. Last time I went to M.’s house show there were so many people and I think it kind of went against the fire code (omg I sound like a nerd) and I felt a little nervous being in a building THAT packed which wasn’t made for that type of event. So I also checked the guest list and didn’t see that many people I would know. AND this art opening was happening at the same time and I wanted to go, and I knew I would see people I know.

So I went to the opening. And my friend Lee was there, we ended up going for dinner after to King Noodle and had some delicious Chinese food. I have some leftover green beans. We talked about all kinds of things, the conflict in my collective between Billie and Jessie, my conflict with Jessie but also how we visited and it was nice, some stuff going on in Lee’s life, my upcoming birthday, etc etc. It was a nice visit. She’s gonna help me make a video that is way overdue.

I went for brunch this morning with Mark. He was nice to talk to. We talked about work, dating. Told him about Kate and how I had been so keen on her especially because she was fucking HOT and a TOP and then she just ghosted on me even tho we are still facebook friends. And I was like okay? Like yeah people are allowed to not be into me. But let’s be real, ghosting sucks ass. He said he noticed that too and it’s like this generation, like in his 20’s people didn’t do that but they do now, so flakey.

I still technically have this other date coming up at an unknown time with this woman who messaged me.

A bit later…..

OKAY so this is funny I went through all my inboxes on Facebook because I was like, looking for the last message I sent to Kate. I sent it like, on the 26th of February. And it had a check mark next to it so obviously she had seen it back then. And I was like wow that’s like 20 days, damn. Cause I really did think she was so cute and she HAD seemed flirty and it was like wow yeah I guess she’s not into me.

And then I was doing my laundry and I heard a chime of a message. And I didn’t think much about it. But when I checked back in my house I realized she sent me a message finally. And she was like “Curious Georgina I am so sorry” and said she had a deadline at the end of this month that she needed to put everything on hold for and maybe April we could hang out? And so I’m like “Yeah maybe April.” But I’m like what is going on you seemed so not into this and I guess she is just busy? But I dunno maybe she doesn’t even think of it as a date. I thought I was a bit obvious when I asked her but like maybe not? I don’t know. And yeah maybe she is just busy, she says she’s just busy. But like 20 days later getting back to me? In some ways I’m like aw that’s nice that she apologized and in other ways I’m like wow why do you think you can treat people like that? I’m trying not to be bitter. It could be just a genuine thing that slipped through the cracks, I don’t know. It’s nice that she responded I guess.

FUCK I am awful at being patient. The Date I am supposed to go on hasn’t gotten back to me yet either, and NEITHER has AD from my email to her yesterday and I’m just like ughhhh are they just taking their time or are they all not into me I don’t know. I can’t believe I have two MAYBE three women interested in me and yet I’m still so goddamn insecure and they aren’t being super forthcoming in their communications with me which is maybe fuelling this insecurity.

ALSO I have realized I need to be temporarily polya until I know who I want, and I feel so bad about it. I wish I didn’t. I really do just need to date a few people until I find the one that fits, and it’s fine to do that people do that. But I feel so guilty being like “Yeah let’s go on a date by the way I have another date in friggin’ APRIL and someone is coming to fuck me in June is that all cool with you?” Ugh worst player ever.