Impressed

I did laundry today and put my cheques in the bank. I also had a skype meeting today with my producer and this guy from Sundance who is an advisor of some sort. He had to get off the call initially and come back in three minutes because he was doing his duties as a member of the Academy by voting for the Oscars. And you know people will tell me these things and I try to be cool. But I admit after our skype call was over I was like “Wow fancy people!” This project isn’t officially public yet though so I couldn’t be open about it. I did say I finished a Skype call with someone who just finished Oscar voting on my FB tho.

I dunno, I can see my career just entered a different more fancy ass phase. And it’s like FINALLY! But also it’s like… I can feel some jealousy beginning. The festival guy who brought me out to Thunder Bay knows about this other fancy thing I am doing and kind of was crabby and slammed it just before we got on the plane home. And I was like wow where did that come from? But I knew a couple months ago when I got this news that some people would act weird about it. And they have. And that’s just like, I can’t do much about it.

I am impressed by some of the people I am meeting though, no lie. Like, my Mom always told me not to be impressed by the rich, and I’m not. But I am impressed by people in my line of work for their talents. I think that’s reasonable.

Kate had told me when I first messaged her that she was impressed by makers of things like I am. It was sweet.

I’ve decided to assume the best about her and that she is going to get in touch with me when it’s close to the end of the month. She posted a picture of her breakfast waffles on Instagram and a comment about that being all she had time for all weekend because she was working on so many things. So it’s like yeah, she is busy. And honestly I am busy too. And we hopefully will see each other. But it’s no good getting anxious about it now. And it would be nice to still think of her as a possibility for a little while, until I know for sure she is not into it.

I’m trying not to take advice about this one. Everyone was trying to give me advice about Jessie and it was confusing. And it mixed my feelings up around her and it was not good. And so I don’t want people doing that again. I don’t need advice. I’m 40. I’ve asked lots of people on dates. And I just want to trust my own instincts around her.

I haven’t talked to Ricky since she said some shitty things about Kate being a nutso femme. Like for one thing, she doesn’t know her. For another thing, Kate does have something going on and so do I and I would hope people don’t tell others not to date me because I have a mental health disability. Anyway I haven’t wanted to hear Ricky’s advice since then so I haven’t texted her.

I’m fine. I’m good actually. It’s hard sometimes to sleep when I think of all the exciting things going on in my life. I was worried because I was thinking so hard last night that I got a shitty sleep.

But also this morning I had to check in to my flight to Austin. So I had to wake up at a brutally early hour.

My flight is at 6am. I don’t even know how that is decent. I don’t even know if the airport is gonna be open at 4am. I guess they are open all the time? I’m suspicious. Once I had to leave Berlin at an early hour and I went to the airport two hours to the flight and the check in desk wasn’t even open until an hour before the flight. So I am suspicious yes.

Anyway, I am gonna let myself look at Kate photos when I feel like it and think about how cute she is. It’s kind of crazy though because she’s like eight years younger than me so a lot of her photos from the past are from her 20’s and she just looks SO FUCKING YOUNG in them and it makes me feel weird. We did live in Vancouver at the same time at some point, but I was in art school and she was in high school. So that’s weird. She does look fine now, like I am attracted to her the way she looks now, she doesn’t look like such a baby femme these days.