Gay For Moleman

I’m in my pyjamas in bed in my hotel room. I got in bed at 8 thirty. It’s nine now. I was just wiped again from the day. Tomorrow they have activities going until fucking 11pm and I know I am gonna have to tap out after dinner. It’s just too much for me. Today ended at 5:30 and then we went on our way, which was good. I just came back to my room and ordered room service. I did some ridiculous private things and then talked to my cousin Dee.

Dee thinks it’s fine if I send Kate a friend request. So I finally did. I didn’t want to be a dick. I dunno, she still might be not into me really. I have no idea. I don’t want to set myself up for a Jessie 2.o situation with her where I overwhelm someone with attention. But Jessie was kind of a jerk. I dunno. I’m so tired. Kate never emailed me. I mean not yet anyway. I hope an fb friend request is a little more her speed. I’m terrified of looking like an idiot but I guess I just have to take the risk if I ever want to get a date again.

I also asked the dog sitter to keep the dogs for longer. Fuck it is gonna cost me so much money. Like yes I have money. But also it costs money to get them dog sat. And now they stay with her five days longer so I won’t see them until I get back from Texas in 20 days. WHICH IS SO LONG! Aww omg I really miss them. I’m for sure staying in Toronto all of March and April to make up for this. I do not want to fucking travel anytime in there. I’m so SICK of traveling. I miss my home life. Like yeah blah blah career is great. But still it’s hard. I don’t like being away from my babies so long.

BUT YEAH even if I get totally rejected and ignored, there is still the future which is unknown. And as much as I wish this particular cutie was interested in me, it really might be that destiny has something else in store.

Tomorrow the schedule goes until 11pm. I think that’s insane. I really can’t spend THAT MUCH of my time tomorrow. I was exhausted today after work. If it goes until 11pm tomorrow I’ll be so tired for Thursday.

On the other hand, there are only three days left. Which is like, okay we are not at the halfway point, but we are closer to it. And I am definitely earning my keep.

Someone sent me a request for applicants to a tenure track position at my old alma mater back on the West Coast. FUCK NO! It’s so hard to get affordable housing in that city, about as hard as Toronto, and I have affordable housing right now and can stay there for a long time if I want. And also, I don’t want a tenure track position. I wouldn’t have my career if I got a university job. I’d be too busy teaching, and flailing around being overworked, and not being able to have time to make my own films. It’s just really not something I could sustain. And I’m disabled, I don’t have the energy to do that and try to have an art practice.  SO NO! I will not be applying. I probably would have less disposable income if I moved back to Vancouver and spent the large majority of my income on rent. And right now it’s so much better because I am in a co-op.

So I hope people stop sending me these jobs in other cities because I have a good thing here. Like why leave town? UGH.

I guess I should be happy that they wish they could seduce me to some other place. But joining academia is like noooo no no.

I dunno. I like teaching, I just prefer it in workshops like this one.

Even though they want us to play laser tag until 11pm tomorrow.

I’m so tired.

No acceptance of friend request from Kate yet. Maybe she isn’t even online right now. Maybe she has way better habits than I do.

Anyway I wanna go sleep soon.