AND FURTHERMORE!!!

Anyway, it’s after the movie, bedtime really.

I’m still super irritated that these women who seemed interested in me are ghosting me. Like am I that scary? One of them even reached out to ask me on a date and when I said yes she never said anything back. What the fuck is up with that??? Like you are asking me on a date and then rejecting me at the same time? WHAT THE FUCK?????? I didn’t even pursue her, she pursued me and still like ghosted. I don’t fucking get it. Okay Kate I can understand ghosting me, she probably thought I was too earnest or forward or something because I was open about asking her out. And that is her own shit, I don’t think I did anything wrong in the last two messages I sent to her with like, over a week between sending them. I mean if she thinks I was weird then it’s best we don’t date or hang out. That is fine.

And she was online tonight, I saw her on Facebook, I know she read my last message, and she didn’t respond. And she definitely has time to respond to Billie, our mutual friend, and write all kinds of comments on her facebook. But she’s ignoring me and fuck it fucking sucks. And whatever, no one HAS to date me. And maybe she really did just want to be cute and then like not have anything to do with me. But it doesn’t mean I’m gonna send her another message, or flirt with her again.

I dunno, I guess I am tired of being teased. It doesn’t make much sense. Why would you do that? That’s basically what my friendship with Jessie was, one LOOOOOOOOOONG tease. Am I scary or something? Do I intimidate these women, is that really what it is? Then why even flirt or worse still, ASK ME OUT in the first place? There’s a lack of followthrough here. And I know I get all anxious here about my feelings, but I try not to show that in messages to these women, and I don’t over message. I literally sent both of them two messages with some time in between both of them, and even then like nothing. Ugh.

I’m just relieved that AD and I are gonna see each other. I’m not going to be touch starved forever, she’s gonna come visit with me and cuddle me and do sexy things with me if I am still single in a couple months. That’s not long to wait. And god it felt so good to hold her hand, and rest our heads against each other, and feel her fingers play with the hair on the back of my head, and kisses and kisses and hugs. And we haven’t had a real french kiss in a long time, but it’s coming. And I trust her. And she doesn’t play that fucked up game of not answering my messages.