Weight Watchers, Day One

 

 

Today is my first official day on the Weight Watchers program.  I stopped by a meeting yesterday and signed up.  It was pretty expensive to sign up (I ended up getting the membership kits that has all the food guides as well), but I told Aaron that if the cost starts to be a problem then I’ll start an online membership (it’s cheaper), or since I already have the materials I’ll just go it alone. But, I really hope I’m able to keep going to meetings. 

I can already tell that the most difficult part is going to be packing my lunches for work.  It’s going to be a tough balance to make sure that I have enough points so that I’m not starving, but still a few points left over for when I get home from work and feel like snacking a little bit (because I always do!).  I do get plenty of points each day though, because I’m still nursing, so I should be able to figure it out fairly easily.  One things for sure, there are a lot of "easy" foods I won’t be eating anymore.  One of my favorite "work lunches" is a microwavable peanut noodle bowl.  I checked it out this morning and it has 10 points!  That’s a third of my daily points!  I’ll definitely be looking for a better alternative to that one. 

On Sunday evening after work I’m going to take all of my materials over to Mom’s and show them to her, explain the program, and hope that she wants to sign up as well.  I don’t really expect her to, because so far she hasn’t shown herself very willing to make any lifestyle changes, but it won’t hurt anything to try.  And maybe once she sees how easy it is then maybe she’ll give it a go. 

Her health problems lately have really affected me, and I didn’t realize it until I caught myself worrying the other day that I would go over to her house and she’d had a heart attack and died because no one was there.  And I’m constantly thinking, in the back of my mind, about all the things that would change if she died, about how much my kids would miss her, especially Chloe.  I know it’s a coping mechanism, a way to get my mind used to the idea of her passing so that when it happens I’m not blindsided and incapacitated by it, but it’s feels a little defeatist to be thinking about this stuff all the time. 

Part of me is completely furious with her and her unwillingness to try to be healthier.  I saw all the stress she went through when my grandpa was ill with heart problems and strokes, and all the work she had to do to take care of him and my grandma.  Although she loved them, it wasn’t a happy time for her because her brother and sister weren’t much help beyond token attempts to make it look like they cared.  And now, she’s basically setting me up for the same thing in a few years, only I’m 20 years younger than her, and my kids are still babies and need me all day long.  And there’s no way around it – I would be the one shouldering all of that responsibility because my dad is out on the road five days a week, not to mention he just doesn’t cope well with stuff like this.  My brother can barely get himself out of bed in the mornings for work without his girlfriend, so he wouldn’t be much help at all.

I love my mom so much, but I just don’t understand how she can look at her grandkids and not want to do everything she can to be there for them as they grow up.  My grandma is still alive, and that is something I treasure because I’ve learned so much from her and I get to see her with my kids all the time.  I know I want to get healthy for them, so I can run and play and roughhouse and keep up with them like they deserve.  I’m sure part of her thinks her health is a foregone conclusion because of her family history, but she would improve SO MUCH if she would just lose fifteen pounds and quit smoking.  So much.  

 

It has definitely felt good to get all of this off my chest, but if I keep going it’s just going to depress me and put a damper on my day, so I’ll stop here. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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