What is wrong with me ????

Been a long time since my last entry. Nothing has changed here for the better. When I went to the doc, he just did some blood work. Said I have both HDL and LDL high levels. Gave me a script for pills to lower the levels, but I can’t take them. I can’t swallow pills and they taste horrible crushed up. I’ve been doing alot of thinking about myself lately, and I’ve come to realize that I have never in my life truly loved anyone or anything. I can honestly say, I like some one or something, but not love. I know that is not normal. What made me this way ? I wish I knew. I have no faith or trust in any one or anything. I live my life in fear of every thing. Hence, I have no life. Such a sad way to exist. I do thank the few ppl that have been to my diary & have tried to confort me. So, off I go to wallow in self pity.