I miss reading the Bible.

Not because I thought it was a great work of art, not because I believe it holds life changing truths, not because I’m a Christian or even for the feeling of getting to know it better.

I miss it because when I use to be a Christian, it felt like I was feeding my soul a niche knowledge of sacred understanding. That there were whole worlds of knowledge woven into some mysterious fabric in between the texts, I miss referencing interlinears and enjoying the brilliant authors of the pasts take on specific passages & doctrines. I miss that feeling of crawling through pages to come to the delightful context of the will of God. I miss being able to hold something that I felt was all-binding truth. I miss the passion of the debate between a fellow brother, between a heretic, between an unbeliever. The lines were so readily drawn, and the task was so obvious – the only thing that was left, was to do. As if I could turn the page and as easily walk in to some ancient tomb and find a brilliant jewel, carved by the mind of the almighty himself. As if each saphire tip was in existence to solely declare his beauty and strength. I also miss giving God all the credit.

I remember the feeling of revelation when I started to lose belief in the Jehovah’s Witnesses, I remember the excitation of seeing Calvinism within the pages, I remember the electricity of the pages jump out and refresh my soul when I felt I had gotten "saved" .

Perhaps, I just miss getting lost within some text… I can’t remember the last time I read something I could not put down. Now it just feels like I’m reading technical journals at best, or saccharine-intoxicated mass produced works of mastered banalities.