The Windhover

Is that because of increased salt in exocrine secretions due to defective CFTR cAMP dependent choride channels, or am I on the wrong track entirely? Does he just eat a lot of chips? The doctor giving the talk said he’d never successfully got anyone a lung transplant, they waited and waited and there weren’t any, or not in time anyway. I’m frequently glad to be English due to endless free medical care despite lack of parents/money, there are reasons to be glad to be American too I guess. How are things medically anyway? Off oxygen? You don’t have to answer, I never do…

Good. I feel sick with unfairness after studying CF for just one week, so god knows how you two feel.

Pathetically enough I can talk quite a bit about deltaF508, bronchiectasis, staphylococcus aureus, pseudomonas aeruginosa, cepacia, enteric pancreatic enzymes, bronchodilators, clubbing, lung function tests, pointless patronising statistics about Quality Adjusted Life Years (what the fuck) following heart/heart-lung transplants and the fact they have a working mouse model for gene therapy, butdo you really want me to?? You must be sick of medicine. I’m not looking forward to neuroscience.

It is stuff you know, probably. DeltaF508 is the most common place for a gene deletion (mutation) they check all kids for at 5 days old now, bronchiectasis is what they call it when your bronchial airways get inflamed and permanently dilated, the three long latiny ones are the bugs most common to CF (aeruginosa is part of your normal flora and harmless to most people – fear of it means CF supportgroups in the UK at least are rare now – people know there’s a risk their kids will catch it if they let them be with other CF kids – fucking sad) and yeah. I am a bit lost with the genetics stuff truthfully. Sorry. Don’t start talking to me about medicine, see how I miss Natalie, see how much John is bored to death with me.

ryn Mate, there being anything I know that you don’t know is a really recent development, please leave my lack of education alone…

I don’t look like Keanu Reeves. He’s massive. I concede the hair.

It’s worse waking up.

hey, where are you?

Ah – you’re back! I thought you’d died, or got a job.

That doesn’t explain at all why girls fucking stalk me then dump me the minute I stop backing off!

The film is a bit silly, though you probably like films in general more than I do. And no, the kid was nothing like me, unless you count underaged and working class. He was AT school, for a start. And the teacher wasn’t anything like Natalie because she was stupid. Though she was extremely fit in a similar middleclass looks-her-age-and-oh-so-well way.

Send me an email about it. I’m trying to read med stuff too again. I wrote something.

All my shit IS mine. Because everyone who was obliged to share it got killed or never wanted to know. No one else needs it.

I just can’t fucking think straight any more. I get little pockets of blurred almost-sanity where I write pointless entries that piss everyone off and insult your perfect wedding plans for no reason at all.

You know. If you’re unlucky enough to have rabies, first you go “hydrophobic” and then you go “aerophobic” – as in, terrified of air. At which point you go insane with fear. And then die. This note is pointless, but I have little else to say except a million apologies…

I wouldn’t trust me. You might be able to trust John. He’s been on it and got off it, and for essentially the same reasons. X rays yeah.. I was admitted a few nights ago, till I phoned Natalie after one night of it and begged her to get me out of there like a psychopath. She’s a doctor so they let her remove ill people from hospital. On antibiotics and stuff.

Not that I’m asking you exactly, and I know you’re not a DARE representative, but… why do you think anyone starts on smack? It’s not recreational…

It makes everything ok. People take it because it makes everything ok. If people can’t understand that they have no hope of dealing with it. What does DARE do, anyway?