My insecurities

I hate how insecure I am.  My husband and I sitting at our computer desk watching a YouTube video and a picture of a naked girl pops up and yeah he did turn away very quickly but even I looked away quickly. But it’s not him I’m mad at it’s just knowing how insecure and fat I feel. I usually don’t eat a whole lot just cause I know I’m fat and eating makes me feel more grossed out about my body, today we shared some chicken wings and after seeing that picture and feeling more insecure I just want to throw the food back up. I feel like my husband idk like wants a skinny girl he’s pretty skinny and im obese, 226 pounds last time I checked actually.. my whole point is I fucking hate myself and how I look I wish I had motivation to go back to the gym but I’m too scared. I hate being fat during summer I don’t ever wanna go anywhere because I know girls like to wear nothing outside so I don’t want to walk around and see those people with my husband that I know willprobably “glance” over them a couple of times… fuck idk I hate myself