my life rants….

need i say more. dating sucks. i mean you meet someone and it’s exciting cuz it’s someone new and you’re so excited to find out more about them then you go to dinner and talk and there are somethings i am looking for and if there not there i try to give the person the a second chance.I have rarely last more than 2 months with someone . they either get tired of me not having time to see him or i won’t sleep with him. I apologize for neither of them. i work alot, i have a 7 year old son i love deeply and love spending time with. i won’t just have sex with anyone. i haven’t had sex it more than 5 years. Damn i miss it. The intimacy of it.i wish i could just find someone to love and be loved in return.  Jose {anthony’s father} has asked to marry him. i was hella shocked. i love him for raising my son. for being there for me. i can tell him anything. he’s a real good friend of mine. every now and then we will date but we are so differnt i can’t get over it.i am loud and outspoken when i need to be. i love to laugh playround and work. he likes to work and fish. i can’t stand soccar.  i can’t  marry someone whom i don’t fully love. maybe he is my future but not my right now. sometimes i can feel myself pulling away from Jose. he tells me that he can see the person inside me. the me i am afraid to let every one see, that i am caring, sweet,generous,loving. everyone just sees the cold-hearted bitch DOlly. i’m not that . but i am very cautious as to who i trust and let it. i love Jose just not like that i dunno.i don’t want to get my feelings messed up because i feel i owe him for helping me with Anthony. Most likely i am just ranting. i haven’t slept in 10 hours but when i go to sleep and wake up my son will be here and the sun will shine so bright it will momentarly block out my want for a man. i rarely regret stuff. Never my child.but not moving across coutry for someone who loved me .  regret not taking that chance. i regret letting myself come off as cold to new people i see as a threat. enough about my shitty life…i gotta try to sleep i got my bonus today.. Later me and Anhony are going shopping and to rent dvds… if i have mis-spelled who cares i’m to tired to run speel check..