my ex at ikea & Smirnoff

Today was supposed to be my great "ME" day. I woke up early, my home was cleaned,I was feeling good and I went shopping for clothes and Anthony(my son) shoes.I went to breakfeast with my best friend and my son.We went shopping at Ikea and we were gonna have lunch there also. We were looking at some ottomans and this women comes up to me chit chatting about how there were a great buy, I usually don’t talk to random people but she was nice.We exchanged numbers, I then thanked her for her advice and she asked if me and my friend would like to have Lunch with her and her Husband.I declined and told her I was didn’t want to impose because I had my 6 year old son and he talks alot.I asked her name.It’s stephanie. So we walked to the Ikea cafe togetehr talking about how she ordered a sofa, loveseat, a single and ottman for her new house in woodstock.So ,as we were getting to a table I turned around to seat Anthony and then we I turn back around I saw a Tall blond haired & blue eyes guy came walking towards her .I froze immediately.It was Steven my ex from a few years 3 or 4 years.

I loved that son of a bitch so much.We were good together we even talked about marriage.We had so much in common. I don’t know what happened.He went away for New York for school one year and I gave him the permission to date, he did so did I. I in no way slept around, I expected him to not do that either. Afterwards i got the night shift job and I couldn’t shift my life around to see him.I was scarred to love someone that much again. I went to this house (which is like an hour from me) to tell him I love him & I wanted to make this work out and that’s when I found him outside his house talking with a girl he meet in new york .She claming her love for him and I froze. I shouted HEY! He turned around and to keep it short he Said he couldn’t take the chance of me leaving him cuz i’m scared of loving.  He choose her. I never spoke to him again. he called. he e-mailed i asked what he wanted. He asked for a chance to see if he was wrong I told him to go to Hell. I was pissed to think I almost let him meet Anthony.

~Back to IKEA~

I was like what the hell is Steve doing over here. I turned around to grab Anthony and get the fuck out of there. He then Hugs Stephanie and she kisses him. DAMN I was so MAD. Why didn’t he or she recongize me? Why didn’t recongize her? it was at night on his porch. Well back then i had long black hair, 40 lbs over weight, glasses i look so differnt now. She says Steve AMOR (italian for love)  I meet this nice girl her name is IDalia. His face froze.lol i laugh cuz it was priceless. She knew me back then as Dolly. he knew about my spanish name. she quickly noticed the awkardness around us. She asked did i miss something? I replied Well, Stephanie it nice to see you again because we have meet before i told her where and when and she was shocked. I explanied to her in no way wasI looking for him. I in no way want him back .That us meeting there was a concidence. I wished her and him the best in life and was glad that she was a nice person. I was trying to get past her to leave with Anthony & my friend in tow. She kept trying to ask me questions about did i ever call him back I said no. Steve then recovers and looks at Anthony and says So this is your son.Shit to me that was my escape I practically  pushed him out of the way.By the time I got to my tahoe i was still shocked  I thought only shit like that happened in movies. She called me within 20 mintues saying her endless i’m sorry for you. I’m sorry Steve broke your heart ((i was crying endlessly that night)) i’m sorry i fell for him, she told me he still has my pictures and that every now and then when he’s drunk  he mumbles my name. I was so mad and then I tell her you know Stephanie before i thought you were the slut who took my man but i’m glad I was wrong, I don’t hate you. We can’t be friends. She was sorry about that , I’m not I don’t want to see him again.

They just recently got married on Valentines day! the FUCKER! i want to be mad at he,r to be mad at him. I am mad. Why couldn’t he love me. choosen me. After that i still went shopping so yeah I bought Anthony 4 pairs of shoes. I bought me a new outfit. But deep inside I was upset. was hurt. Depressed. Later that day around 6:47pm Anthony"s dad (JOSE) picked up Anthony.I quickly after assuring my friend I would be cool went straight to the refrigarator got out the smirnoff vodka mixed myself a drink.SHIT !i Got  out my cd’s like Aaiyah & monica& Keith Sweat and drank myself silly. So, there I was getting wasted on my porch. Crying here and there. When so a car pulls up at 7:20pm. A white esclade and out comes Steve. I was by then MAD and wasted. I ask WHAT do you want ?how did you find out where I live? He got my address online. I asked him what you can’t fucken call like a normal person.He goes on to explain why he choose Stephanie and that he didn’t mean to hurt me and that he need closure.See that’s when i went crazy I YELLED closure mother fucker I needed closure but all that is done with. He asked why I was so mad about it then.(by then he noticed I was drunk) I told him I was mad because the first time I open myself up to someone to let someone love me and return the love and the Fucker screws me over. I’m still all closed up.I then again my compose ask him to Please, leave now!  He looks so sad as he says Dolly I loved you  i’m sorry if I hurt you, I think I could of loved you forever. He comes up grabs my hand and kissed it. I took my hand away and calmly said COULD OF,SHOULD OF,WOULDN"T, Bye Steven  and as he walked way I threw my Zebra cake at his Esclade.It smashed real good on it.better than an egg. He laughs and get in his truck and drives away. I promptly call Stephanie and let her know where her man was and to check the Zebra cake on his esclade for proof. After he left i still sat there and dranked. the most fucked up part is that i blame him for being emotionally closed up to others. i don’t love him. I don’t want anything bad for him. Just to never hear or see him again, yeah i’m a lil bitter. what’s also fucked up is that when i saw he get out of his car i pressed the record button on my phone and recored the entire converstation. it was less than 6 mintues.  i keep replaying it. i’m so sad. the vodka helps. I fell asleep somewhre around 10:00 i just woke up and it’s 5:24am and i’m real sober. I’m a lil ashamed that i shouted that i feel this way but Even thought drinking the Vodka caused he to throw that Zebra cake I don’t regret it.

I came to the conclusion that fuck him. WHY DO MEN THINK IT’S OK TO SAY STUFF LIKE I COULD OF LOVED YOU? YOU COULD OF BEEN MY SOULMATE. WE COULD OF BEEN GOOD TOGETHER.YOU COULD CONVINCE ME TO CHEA TON MY WIFE.?

Come on alot ofpeople think these things but you don’t say them. You can’t go around saying that to ex’s and not expect them to get all emotional.MEN SUCK! i’m pretty sure women do do but still men are idiots.

Anyone who reads this please excuse my language. and my new motto in life is REGRET NOTHING!

*~Dolly~*