breathing deeply.

Today is Enrique’s birthday 38 birthday maybe 39. I called to wish him a Happy birthday today. It felt good to hear his voice.

I wonder if his heart beats a little faster when he hears my voice just as is mine does.

I never forget his birthday. We talked for a few mintues and then he put me on hold and the call was lost. i called back and left my phone number even knowing he would never call me back. It was nice to talk to him. to hear him laugh. i swear i feel so foolish feeling like this.I can’t believe a guy could make me wonder like this.the bastard knows this to. i swear i think he does. i have long a go accepted the fact me and him would be nothing but maybe friends and its nice to think maybe in the future we could maybe be friends. any who. he is doing great. he sounds goo. not married yet or kids yet. Which is a huge surprise. Don’t all men want kids? An heir to take over their last name? Maybe hes one of hem rare men who want to fall in love get married then have kids. Hes a species all on his own. lol 

My job offered me the trip  californai for the A sports trade show in anaheim. I poiletley declined. to be in the same state,less than 2 hours from Enrique i could not do. the urge to go see him would be too much. it would be nice to finally put a hand on someone i dreamt about some one who  i truly loved but there are so many buts there. My manager has informed me that sooner or later i would travel to a trade show. Vegas here i come.

I can’t help but to be excited about speaking to him. i hop he calls just for ole time sake. i expect nothing from the man. I was kind hoping he was married. i want him to be happpliy in love even in im not.I wonder what he looks like? i don’t think it’s fair he can see all the pictures on my myspace but yet all i have are pictured from 10 years ago. (sigh) gotta go i have to do some laundry