cold

My blood is thickening my heart is growing tense. Seeing things more clearly doesn’t make me happy but it’s making me strong. One thing I hate is liars. I can always take the truth. I have been always too damn trusting, but I was wrong and I put that all on you. So now I need to just wait….wait until I’m happy…wait until I feel ok with it just me. Maybe it will come. When the rain falls over my face I look up in the dark sky….this healing energy I trust. I understand rain as I understand pain and rain is rebirth…rejuvenating…..constructive. Rain has powers to heal, to cleanse, to restart. If it wasn’t for this rainy day of mine I would be with someone who I thought was right but would never have been right. I want to be happy about this. Not now but one day I will appreciate it. One day I will restore my pride, my happiness, and put my dark feelings to rest. My heart has cried the most of my life and I truly believed that he was the one. I trusted him. In this cold world who can you trust. Love is risk, trust, but the biggest problem with love is you will be living a dream that can turn into a nightmare. I still hope to find Mr. Right. The only thing is the wrong guy can seem a lot like Mr. right. People can lie very well sometimes. People can put you through the meanest things and not care. They look back with no pain, no regret. Me, im a great person, i work hard, im understanding, patient, forgiving, i am helpfull, love to learn, cook, treat my boyfriends like they are royality, and i give the world to you if you give yours to me. Who knew it would be so hard to find a good man who loves me. If there is so many good people in this world than why is it so hard to find one an other. My life has been dedicated in understand people, observing them. talking to them. My objective is to find reason to madness. I always try to find the good in people. I am not saying it’s not there it is just pretty messed up the things i have seen people do. Am i really living in a world this cold? I still try not to believe that. Even if people want to hurt others there  has gota be a reason. Maybe it’s just where im from. Everyone knows this town sucks. Everyone drinkin everyday. People are pretty fucked up. I made some awesome friends here and had good times, but everyone knows how bad this place is. This place is my home and territory. I grew up here. It’s such a small town yet there is so many skanks, so many assholes, so many drugs and problems. Such a tiny town but it has so many bars…so many liquor stores. Nothin wrong with partyin and havin fun. I just dono if this is the best place to live and raise my kids. These feelings arent coming from me but from so many people who have been telling me this stuff…maybe i should put it into consideration that they are right. But if not here where? This is my home and my security. This is where i am at ease. Plus i dont like the city. Anyways thats just my mind wandering for a bit. Hope i didnt bore anyone. Peace