10/25/2010
Things were so good so full of what it should now somehow im growing numb like you. Compressin my feelins to the death maybe because i dont want my heart to fall apart. My senses r shot goin robotic. Dissapointment – im beyond it. Id still fight if i was on my knees crawlin. Walkin towards pain and heartache hopin for somethin to change. Thrivin on feelin somethin and wonderin why i cant look foward to nothin. In this case fantasies arent realities but i guess im forever asleep. Pretending things are good for me. Wondering what is happy. Cause i never really think i felt it. So its what im always pretending to be. Maybe not when im writing but than, thats a different side of me. The only thing i want to do is make you happy, but than flipside, I wana piss you off, currupt your thoughts, say its your fualt for what ive lost. Isn’t it, because thats just an oppinion. I always stand strong and hold my head up but the weight aint easy and im always almost slippin. Even when i slip i stumble and roll, and try and think of why it was good for me. Still pain stays with me even if i learned from it, im not done with it. Its like acid that eats the guts. Im walkin around with this pain in my stomache and in my head, somehow my face keeps smilin…when people are around because everyday i hear people sayin how much their life sucks. Im not addin to the negativity, ill look at em and grin n say stick your chest out, chin up. Your human be proud.
I hear all this racism all the time and it annoys me. People gota hate cause im white and i stick with the natives. Oh well…im not gettin into that. I just sit there and laugh "CANT WE ALL JUST GET ALONG" Theres no change happenin there. My people my people were slaves and raped, your people were broke and hated, i dont honestly care anymore. People in this generation are just workin on recovery. Thats why we all feel so lost. Mothers and grandmothers to us have been abused like crazy and this is the first generation where that shit is NOT okay. Thats why i say fuck racism now cause everyone is blendin still different but forced to act the same. And if we dont act that way, we are hated. Thats why everyone is racist. Might be freedom of religion but not freedom of culture because we are all workin for one thing, the government. And the goverment isnt doin anything for the land, the peoples health. Just creatin poverty.
Oh well thats most of whats on MY mind. Anyways pce out..goodbye