Yesterday Was Good Today Was A Struggle

Yesterday I woke up feeling fantastic, no aches, no pains, no vertigo and no anxiety. Wish I could say the same about today though.

Today has been a struggle with all of the above, plus I had the added bonus of having some stomach cramps, vomiting and nausea which I hyper fixated on and struggle to stay calm.

Myself, my husband and our baby daughter walked down the street from getting his twin brother to drop us off at the soccer fields, my eyes were torture the entire time so now I think I need to get back in to the optometrist to get them checked again, because I don’t think I need glasses for just reading and driving anymore.

having some Panadol before we came home helped with the pain in my neck, head and eyes and my eyes could focus on things better. but the anxiety it caused was not fun.

While in centrelink I was forever trying not to have an anxiety attack, I felt very claustrophobic and wanted to get out of there, but I couldn’t go because we needed to try to find out how we go about getting my husband on carers payment and allowance for me because of my mental health being the way that it is.

My 14 yr old daughter’s friend went back to her foster carer today, and has been home at her own house all day. fingers crossed that she stays there tonight and the rest of the week and doest run away to here again in a hurry, I really need the break to get better from this stupid cough that I’ve caught off my boys and now my youngest daughter has it and can’t go to school this week at all.

I don’t mind helping her, but she has cut herself up that bad its not funny, and I don’t mind talking her through her thoughts and feelings of self harm when she is here, because I don’t think anyone has ever really tried before me.

But it is taking a lot out of me mentally and emotionally….

I am looking forward to curling up in bed with my baby daughter and going to sleep tonight… Would be lovely if my husband could drag himself away from his phone and weed and come to bed when I go to sleep again, its been 5 weeks and I am honestly missing him being in our bed…

I think him doing what he is doing is the big contributor to the drama in our marriage, and I hope he goes back to rehab soon….