Living in an Anxiety Nightmare

I am sick and tired of these anxious feelings that take over and control my body on an almost daily basis.

The vertigo, nausea, my body feeling heavy, ears ringing, aches and pains through my body, heart feeling like its racing, vision blurring, and the need to curl up into a ball and cry, but that would only be pointless because crying heightens the sensations and although is a good release. Is no good while its happening.

Ive been fighting these sensations for over 8 months now, and have had numerous tests and scans come back all clear and showing that I am perfectly healthy, no deficiencies aside from vitamin D, no abnormalities on ct scans, nothing in bloods, urine or anything else. Why me why now? Why can’t I be fucking normal, whatever normal is.

my 14 yr old is being groomed online by dirty perverted men, my husband is angry all of the time at every one and Iam so sick of it.

I can’t kick him out or leave him, because he threatens to take our 3 yr old daughter away from me if he goes, because apparently Sam selfish for wanting to raise her when she is his only child and I have the other 4 kids.

He belittles my older 4 kids all the time telling them they’re dumb, stupid and spastic.

he also calls them little cunts, and threatens to kick them in the head.

I watched this morning as he grabbed our 3 yr old with her arms pinned above her head, and him holding her torso with his knees to get her to cooperate with him to get ready for preschool. When she tried to move, would smack her.

I hate the man he has become over the last 9 months, its not the man I started a relationship with 4 years ago. Or the man he was right up until December 2023.

He is forever angry, yelling screaming, swearing and name calling. He hasn’t hit me yet, but he has threatened to.

I don’t want to stick around to find out if he ever will, but I cannot get in control of these anxiety attacks to be able to allow myself to try and drive any of the cars with my kids in them without loosing myself in an anxiety attack behind the wheel.

I really don’t know what to do