A Calm Morning…

So I am not too sure if i would even get the opportunity to write anything this afternoon, as its sure to be a busy one today so I figured it would be better to do it now. Especially as the 2 girls are now at school, and the 2 younger boys are watching cartoons on Netflix… I will admit that it is so lovely and quiet, no fighting or doors slamming after a very long and hot weekend, I think that I am more grateful that I will have the opportunity to actually tidy the house properly with out too much of a hurricane causing chaos behind me. If there is, well there is always tomorrow when 3 kids will be at school at the least.. lol

Last night was a real downer, I honestly don’t understand why some people choose to drink… It has taken a few weeks but Rob has started letting his true colour’s shine through again on the grog. What should have been a good end to the weekend soon turned sour which is why I am still not sleeping in the same room as him. I don’t care that it has been over 12 months since i last slept in our bed, it really doesn’t bother me.

I hate being accused of things that i have not done, or even considered doing….

I hate the name calling, especially in front of the kids. They don’t need to hear their mother being called a sl#t, and being told that If i die tomorrow how happy it would make their father, and how i need to leave and not take the kids with me because i am no good as a mother and he can do a better job at raising the kids then i ever will be able to… This coming from a man, who has not raised his 3 oldest children, and couldn’t even be bothered to make any kind of effort with them in the 11 years that i have been with him… He only tries to now that they are older and can actually drink with him….

I honestly regret moving so far away from my family and friends, All i wan’t is my licence so i can get access to the car and just pack us up and drive off. Would be so much easier with a licence, when i have things from nan and pop that i have kept from when i was younger, as well as Logan’s things from when he was a baby, before his dad took him away from me…. But going home to family is a 2 day trip with kids at the best of times, a one-way bus ticket costs $160 for 1 adult and 2 children Why was i so stupid??…

I know I can replace the kids toys and clothes, but there are some things that are just irreplaceable and I never want to leave them behind with him, because i have seen what he does with other peoples things, and I do not want anything of mine destroyed and tossed in the rubbish out of petty spitefulness…

I cant stay in the house and kick him out, because the house is not in my name, although I am paying the rent and all of the bills, the house had to go in his name cos he is Aboriginal and I dont have papers to prove my aboriginal heritage, and i don’t think i really want to either…

I feel sad for my kids, but i am trying to find a way for us to get out on my measly $100 a week, and with all the bills and debts that somehow i have because everything has to go into my name all of the time…

I could seriously go on and on for ever with this entry, but i wont.

So I will end it here, and if i get the chance will do another before tomorrow, if not then Tomorrow is a new day!!!!