Blown off, again

So once again, I get blown off.

Mike and I use to have what we called "Nakey Friday".  Wasnt always sexual, but we would get the kids off to school, gather snacks or make breakfast, and then get naked and crawl into bed and watch movies all day.  Every Friday.  In fact, if appointments needed to be made or if we had errands to run, they could not and would not happen on Friday.  That was our one day of the week we made time for each other.  

Then I dont know what happened.  Semester was over for me and the kids began winter break.  So Nakey Friday was out of the question for a while.  Then when our schedules went back to normal, I was farther along in my pregnancy and started sleeping more.  Lots more.  I would often sleep until noon or later.  I felt bad for sleeping in so late.  But he doesn’t wake me, he says I need my rest, and I suppose I do. But then there was mornings that I got up somewhat at a decent time, 10 am or so.  I would say "How about a move?"  and I get a "Nah, I am not up to it." while not even looking up at me.  He plays an online game called "Wonderland" or reads from our Kindle all morning until its time to get the kids out of school.

So I try something like "Can you come and just cuddle up to me for 5 minutes?  It dont have to lead to anything."  And of course I get a "I told you, I am not up to it."  So yea, I cry.  My feelings are hurt, then he gets mad because I am "having a tantrum".  Really?  So getting blown off for a stupid online game is not suppose to hurt?  I have tried to talk to him about this, but it just gets turned around on me, because I am hormonal and pregnant.  

Now I day dream about knocking the crap out of him with an aluminum bat.  I took time out to make him hand dipped, home made chocolate covered pretzels a week ago.  I didnt want to, but I did because I love him.  Today as I layed here in bed, crying over rejection again, I thought about taking those damn pretzels and crushing them all to pieces.  He doenst want to do little things for me, why should he have anything of mine that requires my time and effort.

I havent said much to him today, he knows I am mad still.  He is kissing my ass all evening, and I was going to sleep on the couch, but he insisted on sleeping there instead.  I decided next Friday I am just going to get up and leave mid-morning, and go sneak me some Ben and Jerrys in to the theater and watch me a matinee before the kids get home. I have never watched a movie by myself.  I will say clothed though  🙂