You come up with a title…I’m too tired to do it.

Booooooooooooooooored…Actually…I’m attempting YouTube Downloads…It takes me about half an hour to download five minutes worth of video…Oh Joy! Hopefully I’ll hear from the DSL people soon.

Sonja wasn’t feeling good when she came home from school yesterday. She had a bit of a fever last night. A bit of a fever this morning. So…Foolish me, I let her, and her monster, I mean brother, stay home today. [*screams Shoot Me!*] I texted Mum and told her no one is staying home again unless they need to be hospitalized. [This summer is going to be hell. *laughs*] All I want is to be able to sleep for a bit…I mean, I would of been happy with my 9:30 up time, if I hadn’t had to spend from 6:30 on telling them to shut up so I could get some more sleep! They know what I am like, and they know what I need/expect/hope for…But nooooooooooooooo…Critters are evil…I swear.

On a separate, odd little note. Monday night the pet ‘inadvertedly’ stayed at his friend Loren’s house…Tuesday night he came home after work and cleaned the bedroom up [Which is just mind boggling…Wow, there is actually a blue carpeted floor in there on that side of the room]…Last night when he left, it was pretty much saying he was going to stay at Loren’s house again. Here’s a thought…Move in there…It would be nice…You could have your own room [Just as soon as they get your bed back out of storage…As he does sort of have his own room there]…And I could have my own room [Other than the living room]…And we can continue to live our own little separate lives.

Anyway…*pokes at very slow growing RPG song list* *pokes at a couple songs* I’m not sure about them…It’s mostly ‘possible thoughts’. Actually most of them are followed by (?). Part of it, I suppose, depends on how things go. [Still thinks Echo and my conversation, the other night, about Damian/Raven was quite heartbreaking. Though a necessity of necessities.]

——————–Looks up…That was this Thursday morning——————–

Blah…I was hoping that the Pet would stay away again tonight…But it came back.

Tonight’s midnight snack…Lime Tostitos.

Read some on Chakras today…Part of what I read, regarding pleasures, tells one to forget about the things that came previously, such as other instances of pleasure (this can be food, drink, feeling, sensation, etc.), and those that may come in the future, and just focus on the pleasure of that particular moment. [Like the wondrous Lime flavor of my Tostitos currently…The Chocolate earlier…] That thought helped. It’s easier to feel the pleasures for the moment if you’re not dwelling on pleasures of the past. If that makes any sense…I could say no tears…And maybe someone would understand…But…*shakes head* Ultimately that doesn’t matter. All that matters is I think I’m learning, at least a bit. And if I keep it up…I’ll continue to learn things…Bit by bit. Perhaps learn about ME…And after all…I do believe that is what I’m suppose to be doing.

I’ve lost sight of who I am. I’m not sure if I ever had a really clear definition to begin with. We go through life with all these images of who/what people see us as. Our parents, our friends, our peers. I was never really sure of what I was…Though I knew what I wasn’t, and that was like everyone else. Or at least the everyones that were around me. I was the school’s outcast for the simple fact that I found it near impossible to be just like everyone else…What society dictated to be ‘normal’ I guess. And as it was a time of growing and finding out who one is…I think I was continually reminded of what I wasn’t…So I kind of forgot to take a look at what I was.

So…I guess it’s time to figure out for sure what/who I am. I mean, I know little things. I know pretty much what my beliefs are. I know some things I can do…But those don’t really tell me who/what I am. They are parts of me yes, and they make up the whole. But I’m missing something, I know I am. I guess this is the time to go looking for it, and hopefully find it.

Will it change anything? Well, one can’t change the past. What has happened, has happened, it can’t be undone. This I know, and have accepted. Will it change the future?

Well, as the future has not occurred yet, there is nothing to change. May it change the path I’m on, and what may be set to occur in my future? Tis possible. Then again, isn’t that the point really? Everything we do, everyday, changes the outcomes of what is to come in one way or another.

For the longest time, once I realized that there is a balance in everything, I knew it was important. The world needs balance to survive properly. People need balance as well. Am I saying I can attain this? No. What I’m saying is I’m hoping I can, as I know it’s the best thing for me. Am I saying I can maintain it if I manage to reach it? Again No. I make no promises to myself, aside from the fact that I’ll keep trying, as that is what is necessary, and that is all I can do.

Well..as it’s getting late…And my mind is full of tiredness and tattoo thoughts. *looks at Echo* *laughs* I’m going to wrap this up. One more thing though…

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. July 21st, 2007. 169 days to go. *grins*