Welcome to my discontent…Sorry, really…*sigh*

Teeth are feeling a bit better…that is about the only high point of the day…which is just bad on my part.

Critter B got into his presents and opened them without anyone else around…

I’m feeling…discontent…melancholy…bloody well pathetic…*sigh*

I guess it’s just that the reality of my reality has made itself reality…and…*sigh*…I just feel…*shakes head* I don’t know.

You can’t change reality as easy as you can other things…it’s not like you can just wipe away a year or more of time and make it all better. Wish it was so easy…just wipe away time, have none of it matter…have it be nothing…*sigh*

I hate my life…and the really sad thing about it, is I really don’t have that much of a life to hate…I’m exsisting…and that’s about it.  And I really know it shouldn’t be like that…I’ve got things that I should be greatful for, happy for…but…I don’t know…there is just something wrong with my mind set or something…

Maybe it’s just time for me to shut the hell up, and act my age…Stop playing at childish things…*sigh* Yeah, right, like I could do that…it’s all I have…or at least that’s how I feel…which again, just goes to show how pathetic I really am.

All my friends are in cyberspace…I have no one here, in the real world…and even if I did…really, what purpose would they really serve, when I have no outside life.

Moment of truth time…Critter A and Critter B…for those of you who 1) Don’t already know, or 2) Haven’t figured it out yet…are 2 of my 3 children…and Dominic Micheal…from the tattoo…he would be my third…long lost to this world…As he died before getting a chance to be born…*sigh*  No one should have to bury their own child…above and beyond that, a 16 year old shouldn’t have to bury her first born.  *waits for people to do the math*

That would make me, most probably, the oldest roleplayer in the HP roleplay…So yeah…here’s the year I refused to divulge before…1975…*sigh* That makes me, as of last June, 30 years old. *sigh*  And probably one of the most pathetic people on the face of the planet…as I’d much prefer to live in the world of Roleplay than the real one.

I’m stuck in a marriage with a clueless moran…My heart belongs to a made-up character more than it ever did him…hell the other one has more of my heart than the moranic pet has. Which is just bloody well…pathetic. *sigh*

Part of me just wants to fold-in apon itself and disappear…forget about everything, and everyone, and just *poof* I’m gone, never exsisted….but the more sensible side, though I’m sure it’s hard for most to believe I have one, knows better, really. 

I’m just feeling out of sorts…Like maybe everyone else is growing up, and moving on, and I’ll be left behind…Like I’m not needed, or wanted…like I’m a burden…I don’t know…*sigh*

Anyway…I finshed the dress that’s been waiting to be finished for what now…3 or 4 months…I’d take pictures…but I want to wait until my hair is fixed…which is just…I don’t know…Should I really be sporting purple hair at my age? Though…being Raven…someone who doesn’t truely exsist…is the highlight of my bloody life it seems…As I said…I’m quite pathetic.

Now…I suppose I have a cake I should go frost…though with my luck, I’ll end up dropping it on the floor and totally ruining Harley’s birthday as it is. (Oh yeah…they have names…Critter B is Harley…Critter A is Sonja.) The poor things…they deserve better than the mum they have at this point…I’m just…*sigh* *shakes head* I don’t know…