The END of January…Thank the GODS

Ug…

January is almost over! *celebrates*
This month has sucked.

The Month in Review:
Even from the first I was not on a good start…Reflecting on things that had happened, that perhaps I shouldn’t have been reflecting on.
By the 6th…I don’t know…I was feeling down and out of it…Lost and forgotten.
By the 7th…I was wondering about poor Raven’s character. On the 8th was a little better, as a diffrent perspective was presented to me as far as my loverly Raven.
By the 12th…I had declared that ‘I make anti-social people look downright friendly’ Loverly.
14th…Did the questions and answers thing…I’m wondering now if perhaps some of my answers didn’t end up leading to some other disruptions of the month…[Was going to sigh…But you know…I shouldn’t. It’s not my fault. I was being honest in my answers. I had no intention of thinking they would change things.]
By the 15th…I was sick again…Found out Mum’s friend from Australia was stopping his dialysis [Good news, he’s still going strong…Having good days and bad days, but still having days. He’s off the computer now, but him and Mum have established phone contact.]
Since the 18th [When I declared myself Iroh’s fan girl] most of my entries have been filled with Avatar YouTube videos.
On the 19th…Roleplay rocked hardcore…Pulling off the Prank of the Century…And nabbing the Marauders Map from Potter. *strokes map* It shall come in handy latter. *grins* *snickers*
By the 21st…The world came crashing down around me.
The 23rd…Hit entry 500…And was in the market for a new name…As well as pulling the plug on my NaNoWritMo story.
January 24th…Became Ivory Obsidian.
The 25th…Was another hard day.
The 27th…More pain…Plus Spud making me think story wise right on the spot…Which was actually, quite great. *laughs* *hugs Spud*
January 28th…Brought the first week to an end…And perhaps a bit of insight.
More from the 28th…I started typing up my Ancient Runes Essay, and fell into some realization that had I been paying attention…I would of, possibly, been able to change things…Alas…It’s too late for that now.
On the 30th…Eh…Don’t even know anymore. *laughs*

But I have realized…It’s time for some ME work…And I’m attempting to get into that mind set. I know it needs done.

Hey…If I was one of those happy perky, could stand to be around people people…I could get a job as a waitress possibly…*pokes at place* They say their hourly employees are eligible for a wide range of benefits, including: Health, dental, vision and tuition assistance. *pokes at tuition assistance* Still…I can’t really see me as a Hooters Girl…I could do the white tank top, the orange shorts, suntan hose (though I’d have to buy in bulk…me and panty hose get into many fights), white socks, white shoes, brown pouch, and name-tag…It’s that bloody smile that would get me into trouble. Mum figures someone would end up wearing their food. *has brief DL RPG flashback* *snickers* [Heck, Tan ‘borrowed’ my character for an offline game, and she dumped food one someone. *shakes head* Kit was not meant to be a barmaid. Good thing the Silver Blossom’s dwarven owner was a nice ol’ dwarf. *smirks*]

I’m looking for the right words, but can’t find them. I don’t want to say ‘wish’ or ‘hope’ that sometime in the future Grim will reconsider. I know I can’t put that kind of energy into it right now. If I do, then I won’t do what I need to do, I won’t get where I need to get. I would like to have him in my life once more. I do miss him. He still means a great deal to me. But…I can not let myself dwell on it. If I do, it hurts. I don’t need to keep putting myself in that pain. Not that I expect that there won’t be times when I feel it anyway. It’s something I have to accept. *kisses boy’s cheek* I’m sorry for how things went, how they ended. But I do not regret the time we had, or spent together. All I ask is for you to be safe, stay safe, and somehow, somewhere, find the happiness that you so greatly deserve. *hugs tightly* Good-bye…[For now…???]

Well…I guess this is it for this entry…Maybe since it’s up in the day time I can actually concentrate on roleplay tonight. Not that I have to write tonight…as I’ll be putting up that Ancient Runes essay…