Satruday Night/Sunday Morning Musings

*looks around* What the bloody hell was I going to do? *shrugs* Oh well…

Nil by Mouth arrived in the mail today…though I haven’t had the chance to watch it. I ended up with a major nap instead.

I was so tired when I got back from the weekly shopping, that I lay down on the couch, and fell asleep…And woke up 3 hours later. When I did wake up my arm was numb…not that ‘Ahhhh…my arm is all pokey, tingly, waking up feeling’…it was literly numb. I poked at it, and I couldn’t even feel it…Quite odd. *laughs* But it’s alive now, so it’s all good.

Worked on sorting out my writing exercises. I’ve worked out my issues that I mentioned about journaling through one of my poems, with the thought of revsion behind it.
Assignment reads as this: "Journal through a story, article, or poem that you have written. To do this, reread your manuscript/poem. Write up to three pages discussing every emotion, thought, idea, and fact that comes to your mind regaurding the manuscript/poem. When finished, reread your journal entry. List any insights that will help you revise your manuscript/poem."
Well, when I write a poem, I usually work on it til it’s a good as I figure it’s going to get. But…I think I found the answer to getting around that thought…In the reading of my book it mentions an author who turned his poem into a short story, and then later a novel, as writing is a progressive thing. I do have a poem that I think could be worked on this way. I don’t know if it’s a short story I’ll work on anytime soon, but I figure if I do the journaling exercise through it, it will be there for a later date. I guess I had never really given much thought to the fact that a poem could become anything more than a poem.

I’ve got day 5 to do tomarrow…the last in that line of exercises. Plus 5 ‘assignments’ ready for work. (One being the aforementioned journaling through the poem exercise.) I need to find a poem for the one. *thinks* Ooo…Bloody hell…I wonder if I can find that book. I’ve got a book of really touching poem I got after Dominic died…I’m sure I could find a good one in there. Plus, aside from doing the exercise, I’m going to issue a bit of a Creative Writing Challenge. But I’ll explain that later. Then there is a letter to self, and a weekly sensory image paragraph…And one that will end up with a first draft in place.

Let’s see…back to other things. I bought a toaster. *laughs* I wanted toast last night…but the toaster we had is older than I am! *falls over* And the last time my mum tried to put toaster waffles in it, it had issues. And the time before that she but poptarts in it…and they didn’t end well either. If I thought it possible, I’d think it was something physchological making her unable to use the toaster properly…then again who knows. She hasn’t really used it much in the last…*thinks*…Two years I think it is. *sighs* She hasn’t used it much at all since Branchala died. Toast was their thing…Mum would make it, and they’d end up sharing it…She hasn’t eaten much toast since then…and hasn’t made any for herself. Can’t say I blame her…

I looked at tape recorders. *falls over* Bloody hell…I wasn’t expecting what I found. All I wanted was a small tape recorder, that I can use headphones with, and won’t be too bulky to take with me (as it would be safer for taking notes while driving). There was one bulky one, without headphones…and no headphones in sight. And I think three little ones…which I didn’t look at overly close to see what headphone issues they may cause or not (like if I can get headphones for them, as I don’t want to disrupte anyone by making them listen to me go over and over a recording to get it all typed out). $30.00!!! *eyes wide* Egads…*sigh* Maybe will gas check money…if they are a nice size…Last months weren’t as much as they had been (and part of them still need to pay the dentist off, and pay some more on the propane bill).

Ze ex-boyfriend has been logging onto messenger quite a bit the last few nights again…We haven’t talked in quite a while…I don’t want to bother him if he doesn’t want to talk to me. *shrugs*

Mike called today…It’s quite weird, feeling how I do now. I’m not use to it, the thoughts and all. I was use to just responding to whatever…but…It’s not there…And I’m not really sure why. It’s perplexing actually. Frustrating in other ways. I was kind of thinking that I’d always have a fall back. But maybe this is myself telling me I just don’t want a fall back. *sigh* Thing is…I’m not in a place to have anything but. Though I worry about my abily to follow through with how I feel. Tis easy to say here, ‘Yeah, this is how I feel. I know this is what I should do. I don’t have this hanging over me anymore.’ But I’ve never been good at standing up for myself, and saying no. Perhaps it comes from too often having the word ignored. One decides it is a wasted attempt, and gives up trying. Sucks, being a creature of habit. (Ooo…I like that line…*takes it and stuffs it away elsewhere for use at a later time* *laughs* Guess that’s me thinking like a writer. *smiles* Tis actually…a pretty good feeling, as opposed to the rest of the tone of this paragraph.) ANYWAY…back from the derailment…Despite the feeling not being there. Despite knowing it’s not what I want. Despite my brain saying, just tell him no. I’m afraid I will stand mute. I’m afraid I’ll just…I don’t know…*shakes head*

Blah…There must be a happier topic I can think on. I’ve got a page worth of entry for later that I haven’t done anything with since I wrote that much. I’ve got about 7 lines (that I wrote while driving today…I need that tape recorder) of dialog for a conversation between Raven and Sirius. A scribbled out thought regaruding a ‘what if’ scenerio of when Raven and Raya went into the past to the Marauder Era (was listening to Tanited Love in the Jeep and the thought just popped in there). Have very little dialog/though for when Raya confronts Raven about her and Sirius…Me thinks it’s going to go Caden’s secret…The Necklace…And then this thought. *looks at blank/confused faces* *laughs* Ha! Only one among you understands! *falls over laughing* Gods…I’m not sure if I’m too awake because of the nap…or too asleep as it’s nearly 3 am…Or if I’m just bloody well mental. *laughs* ANYWAY…I also think there may be a trip to the mirror of erised…though not for a while. Would be a, ‘I can’t figure this out myself, my mind and heart are at odds. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want.’ *takes lines and saves them for later* I’m going to have a word document of nothing but scattered lines. *laughs* Tis okay though…it is how some things must be done.

*sigh* I was looking for summer camps again. I know Sonja wants to go…and I know it would be good for her…but they are sooooo expensive.
I thought I had found the perfect one. It’s only 20 miles from here…and it’s got EVERYTHING…water stuff (including sailing, canoeing, swimming, etc.), arts & crafts, sports (including the whole rock wall thing), horseback riding…You name it, they’ve got it. I want to go to the bloody camp! Unfortantly…It’s not a week by week thing…It’s got 2 sessions…a 3 week one, and a 4 week one. At $1000.00 per week. *frowns* *sighs* I suppose I will hav

e to keep looking, and hoping.

Well…I suppose that about sums up things presently. I think I might go have some rye toast (as I picked up a loaf of rye bread today, and napped instead of having dinner), and try out that toaster.

*thinks* I think I want a signiture…Maybe a couple…One for my writing things…One for the ‘normal’ things…*shrugs* Ah yes, toast…that’s what I was doing. *laughs*