Just a bit of falling apart

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I think I loathe being on here.
Not Open Diary, just the computer in general. It use to bring me such pleasure, fun…But lately, it’s more like a soul sucking creature.

This is the first I’ve turned it on all day…& really now, only because I need to attempt to (probably fruitlessly) look for information for my 14 page paper…As of now, I have no sources, no concept, no anything. I’ve tried looking, tried finding, and keep failing at every turn. Tis quite disheartening.

On other notes…I’m almost half way done with my outside book for World Lit. & I have 4 or 5 articles printed off that should make for good sources…So the 8 page paper maybe isn’t so doomed.

I have the pipe cut for my xylophone for math…Now I have to figure out a base for it. It doesn’t seem to really make notes. My tuner box says it’s in tune…But refuses to tell me what note it is that it is in tune with. *rolls eyes* *sighs*
Got our Final Exam packet…Ug.
I really don’t know how I’m suppose to get everything done that is expected of me.

I still need to practice Flutterby & get props & costumage figured out.

I really just want to fall apart. Which I sort of did last night via text with Wasil…But that even started out as a mess, and him feeling bad, because I don’t talk to him. I don’t tell him when I’m upset, or when things are bothering me, or anything.
It’s so hard for me to connect with almost anyone as it is…Him being so far away…& I hate to impose…I don’t want to bore him, or worry him, or I don’t know. I fail.

I’m sure it doesn’t help that this year is going to be one of the bad years…I’m predicting myself to be a total and complete mess tomorrow…& somehow I have to do homework through it (as I have a 2 page paper due Monday, in the same class that the dying 14 page paper is for).

^ Clarification…Tomorrow is Dominic’s birthday.
He would have been 20…It doesn’t seem possible.
The mention of his name, the thought of him…Sends me near tears at this point. It’s been that way for the past month or so. I don’t know why this year is so hard…Maybe it’s because it’s been 2 decades…It’s a milestone of sorts, I suppose.
Let’s add to it that…It’s the Critters week to be tortured. I tried to see about getting them for a couple hours tomorrow…But they ‘have plans’.
Add to that…That last two days/nights…I’ve gotten several texts from Sonja (she got her replacement phone yesterday) wanting me to find a way to get them early…Practically begging me to do something. It breaks my heart that I can’t do a bloody thing.

It’s Spring Break week this coming week…I still have class Monday & Wednesday night (the curse of attending two colleges @ once, who can’t manage to time their Spring Breaks to coincide).

I got new rollerblades tonight after class…The ones I got at Good Will last fall, the wheels pretty much dissinagrated (have no idea how to spell that, and spell check is of no help either). I took the mo

ney out of what was supposed to be my ‘Missouri’ money…Let’s be honest…I don’t see me making it there this summer…Which that realization doesn’t help the whole feeling thing overly well.

I haven’t talked to Wasil online in, what…Two weeks now? Close to that anyway.

So yeah…I don’t know…Suppose I’d best get to that homework stuff…Not that I’m hopeful.