*hangs up CAUTION sign*

Seriously I’m feeling quite anti-social. I’m just having one of those days that I really need to just go hide in a corner and stay there…Alas, that was not an option…*twitches* Had to go to school…

I think…I’m either going to have an all out nervous breakdown, one of those loverly panic attacks that I had a while back…Or just bloody well snap, and perhaps one of the other people in my head will take over and run the body for a while. [Yeah, because that would be so bloody good for all of society.]

I feel on edge…I want to scream, I want to pout, I want to throw an all out fit! I’m not happy…I’m mopey and irritated, and aggravated, and Ahhhhhhh! *bangs head on wall repeatedly* *twitches*

I don’t know what it is…Or maybe it’s a lot of little things…I’m just…*shakes head* Doesn’t help that some people *cough*Reese*cough* don’t always know when to back off. She’s wanting to be majorly in the roleplay…Wants to write with me…And any of the personalities who just happened to even wander through my head on occasion…And to do this, she wants to pull them out at her leisure to have conversations with. Sometimes, okay, I can manage it…Though I do much better on messenger than face-to-face conversations…Reese will spin through personalities in a blink of an eye…It’s amazing my brain can even think about staying caught up…Then again, maybe it’s not, could very well be part of the problem…I’m coming undone.

*break from my own rantings to rant about something else for the moment*

OMFGs & Bloody Hell!!! What kind of parent tells their child that they have TOO vivid of an imagination and that they aren’t allowed to use it & they aren’t allowed to write (because said writing takes imaginations)?! A BAD one if you ask me. And…Apparently this is what Dan has done.
Sonja writes, she enjoys writing, it’s one of those things she can do to take a break from everything else. She read some of what she wrote to Jessi…And apparently Jessi decided to act out the story Sonja read…So this means Sonja is at fault. *rolls eyes* [Apparently imagination is a bad thing…One would think that they would make a world wide alert letting the rest of us know this.]

Anyway…Back to my own mentalness…

I’m stressing out…I shouldn’t be…& I thought I was doing better after talking to Raya the other night…Apparently I was for the moment, but I’m back on edge once more. *takes deep breath* *lets it out*

I shouldn’t be…Seriously…Other than the school needs yelling at. According to Dan, Harley has had some trouble…He got a letter in the mail…I got nothing. Harley had some trouble on the bus…I’ve heard nothing. I am not happy with the school. I am their primary care giver, they live with ME, I am the one that needs to be told what’s going on…Not someone who doesn’t even have the ability to acknowledge their birthdays! [Oh yeah…He wanted so much to have them for a little while on their birthdays…One would think he would at least say ‘Happy Birthday’ to them on their birthdays, since they have to spend two hours with him…But no, Wednesday was Sonja’s birthday…They had to go their because it was half a day anyway…Yet he didn’t even bother to tell Sonja happy birthday while she was there. *rolls eyes*]

Okay…Since the starting of writing this…And dealing with all the ongoing things (as this is actually taking me forever [hours] to write)…I’ve momentarily calmed down a bit. Though I can feel the anxiety (?) in the back of my body, threatening to come out when I give it any kind of thought. *twitches slightly*

Anyway…What has I’ve done the last few days…

I don’t know what Monday was. *pokes at it with sticks*

Tuesday I left Life Drawing early…About half way through…Doug (the teacher) pretty much told me to go home. I must of looked rough…I felt rough. I had eaten around 6 oz. of peanut M&M’s [Useless fact: $6.00 worth of quarters will buy enough peanut M&M’s to fill two 12 oz. Styrofoam coffee cups.], PLUS, took a hit to the head…Reese, of course…Which triggered a headache, which decided to grow into something more painful…So yeah…Going home was a good idea.

Wednesday:
Didn’t get my English paper back…As he got sidetracked writing a story around looking at our papers, so didn’t get to all of them completely. O.o I think I have a meeting with him Monday…So I’ll get it back then, and see what he says. *insert worryness here*

Thursday:
I’ve been off pretty much all day. Started with the fact that the bus didn’t show up when it was suppose to. I called the school to find out that they called people last night to tell them that there was only going to be one bus today…But they didn’t call here! *growls at them*
Half hour after I was suppose to leave, I was dropping the Critters off at the school. They had to unlock the doors a half an hour early to let them in. I talked to the one lady that works in the office, she said I could drop them off early, as I told her I had to be at school.

Drawing II went okay…By lunch I was feeling all of the stressed outness & what not. Calmed down a bit in 2-D design…Was feeling stressy again in Life Drawing. My thoughts are getting muddled again.

Part of it, I think I’m stressing over Todd…Which is ridiculous…But my brain does stupid things. It’s just that…It was chaotic when he left Friday afternoon…& I didn’t get to talk to him like I had wanted and tell him bye like I wanted. [This after he actually held onto me Friday morning…He’d gotten up for a cigarette, and I got up because he was up. Well he head back towards the bedroom, and asked if I was going to come lay down…So I did…And he actually held on to me, and pulled me closer to him for a while…]

He called Saturday…Talked for a few minutes, not many…
He had to work a double shift again Sunday.
I tried to call Tuesday…No answer…No return call (but I had to go to class & he would have to go to work before I got out of class again).
Tried to call Wednesday…No answer…Called before class, after class, when I got home…No answer…But he did call back a few minutes later. We talked maybe for 5 minutes, and he was…I don’t know aloof (for lack of a better word).
Asked him when his day off was…Which is Friday…Asked him if I was going to get to see him…He said he didn’t know, he wasn’t making any plans. [Prior to such, like during break on Tuesday & pretty much in class Wednesday, I’ve been feeling extra EMO.]

I guess I’m just waiting for the day he says/decides, he’s done with me. I kn

ow I shouldn’t think that way…But sometimes I can’t help it. *sigh*

Anyway…*shakes head in an attempt to clear it*

Didn’t have my man-made object thought for design class thought up fully…So I was stressing about that. I tried to make thumbnails with an open book…Didn’t like how they went…Tried something else…Uh…Can’t remember what. Reese suggested a cauldron, and when I started making a cauldron, it turned into a wine glass…They sucked too. Anyway…Reese was doing whatever, and a tossed a piece of scrap paper at me. I took the scrap paper, opened it up, decided it looked like the tip of one of those pens you dip into the ink…There I had it! My man-made shape…So I ran with that design, and got my assignment for the day done.

Life Drawing I found out that after I left Tuesday he gave us homework for our sketchbook. I need to do a lot of work of in my sketchbook. Apparently he wants to look at them next Tuesday, make sure we are actually working in them. O.o Ahhh! I’ve…Totally just lost my train of thought.

The littlest things set me off into a mild state of annoyance/confusion/panic/whatever you want to call it. I can’t even manage to get Tobi & Zetsu out today. L I’m a terrible rat mum-ma. *sigh*

*gives up on entry*

Cookies to whoever actually managed to read all of this.

Speaking of Caution signs…They have one up in front of the one set of doors to the Fine Arts Building…Due to the fact that there are busy bees in the area…Reese got stung by one last week…Or the week before.