Catching Up.

*sigh* I’m in a bit of a mood. But I thought I’d at least play catch up while I’ve got five seconds.

Homework front:

I am not happy with my piece for Creative Writing. L We are doing the ‘show don’t tell’ character thing, similar to what we did last semester…I’m just not happy with mine. I used Raven as the focal point, but I don’t think I really got much across…I was just not feeling up to it.

I think I’ve figured out what part of my problem is when it comes to writing at this point is, especially when it comes to even thinking about writing for RPG. Reese. She’s always pushing me to ‘be’ whoever she needs to help her write what she’s wanting to write. She just won’t take the intititive to think for whoever for herself. Gods…It’s obnoxious! & it’s always a face-to-face thing…I don’t flow well that way, so it stressed me out, sicne I keep telling her I don’t really feel like it anyway.

With me and Raya, we respected how we were feeling at the time, and whether we were up to something or not…Plus we didn’t rely on each other for every little detail of every little conversation. Plus we had a good feel of the other characters involved that we could write for them, without needing their ‘presence’ spitting out the words for us.

It’s sucking the fun out of something that I use to quite enjoy…And I’m not even writing!

I still have like half a dozen pictures I need to take. *sigh* I can’t find anything…I hate the snow, I hate the cold. L I want to cry.

I still need to find 3 pieces of ‘Clip Art’ that convey/communicate something visually.

I also need to find an article somewhere along the lines relating to Hinduism for Eastern Religions. Every other week we have to have one relating to what we are studying at the time in class.

*thinks* Um…
Gods…I need to do something more with 3-D design…I’ve got some pop-up rats cut out, but I need to do something with them…I don’t know.

Aside from that…

I’m having brain issues. Or would that be heart issues? *sigh*

Yeah…That should probably read Todd issues. Haven’t talked to him in a week…Haven’t seen him in two. He said he would call…He didn’t/doesn’t.

I know I need to talk to him about such…But gee, kind of hard to do when I don’t get to talk to him.

I love him…Sometimes I wish I didn’t. Then I could do just whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted…Not that I want to do anything. Ug. *falls over*

In a perfect world…I’d have the attention I crave from the boy I love. I wouldn’t think about past mistakes, and how easy they are to make sometimes. Mistakes I don’t want to make, and I’ve told myself I’m not going to make this time. I’m not going to do that to him…He’s had that done to him too many times in the past as it is.

I suppose it would be easier if I wasn’t faced with the insane little confusion that lives in my head. Okay…I was going to use someone, and this and that, but why bother going around in circles. It is what it is…

James. I can’t help it…I like looking at him. I look at him and yeah, I see a young Peter. And yeah, there is that part of me that I’ve cultivated into Orinda. Orinda who would like nothing more than to have her Peter. Plus…When someone shows me attention, I do tend to want to take as much of it as I can get. So when James pokes at Orinda…My hearts starts racing. I’m tempted. Which is in reality completely foolish, and I bloody well know it.
James is gay, with a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend, whom I don’t want to hurt…Though I do wish he was around a bit more, and that I got a bit more attention. [Doesn’t help thinking straight when towards the end of last semester James pretty much told me that I deserve better, that I deserve someone who is going to pay more attention.]

I just don’t understand why he does it. *sigh* *shakes head*

In a perfect world I’d have my boy when I want him, when I need him…And yeah, he’d be more attentive.

In a perfect world I would have a friend who, for whatever reason, seems to want to poke at the fact that he knows part of me wants him. [Maybe he just doesn’t get that…I don’t know how he couldn’t though…I mean, he made me admit last year that I found him attractive.]

In a perfect world…I wouldn’t waste time & energy on thinking about what would/could/might happen if I just let ‘Orinda’ slip out, and do what she bloody well wants.

Ah! *gives up* *sigh*