Blame the dream for this entry

You crept into my dreaming last night…To make everything better? It was, temporarily, in that world between worlds. You had scribbled some words on the bottom of a note I’d written…I can’t remember the words now. You read them to me. We weren’t back together, but we were, together. You held me again. I was warm, and safe, and content, and happy once more. Somehow, I knew I was dreaming though. Knew the writing wasn’t really yours. I seen your handwriting, I can’t read it. I could read the writing on the paper…Even if I can’t remember what it said.

Thursday, when the phone rang in the morning…The too early to be alive morning. For a moment, when I first woke, I thought it was you. Thought you had finally called. I think that, more than just being awoken, and tired and out of sorts, is why it was so hard to concentrate on the conversation with Mum, and try and sort out what needed to be.

I still think of you. Everyday I think…Least I don’t think I’ve made it a day without somewhere along the lines, you slipping into my thoughts. It’s not when I wake up anymore…Well, not everyday when I wake up, still, occasionally. It’s not when I go to sleep anymore…Well, I try not, try to think of something else when drifting off to sleep…So things like the dream don’t happen.

When I’m driving…You still slip into my mind. When I’m still…You still slip into my mind. When I’m needing…My body yearns for the things I remember. The near perfect kiss…As close to perfection as I’d ever thought I’d find. The kiss I’d thought of, dreamt of, and never thought I’d actually find from the lips of an actual living being.

The remembrance of that connection. The one I’d never felt before. The one that made me feel that this is what it was suppose to be like…Not what it had always been before. The one that made me feel connected to another living being in a way I’ve never before. The one…That I don’t think I’ll ever find again.

It’s been three weeks. I don’t mean to keep track, it’s just kind of way too easy considering the timing. I hate February. It’s never been a month I was fond of…Nothing any good ever seems to come of it.