A proper update…Or an attempt at one anyway.

Today was the mid-term Lab exam for Oceanography…I’m fairly certain I bombed it, big time. Blah. I couldn’t even try to answer one of the question. *shakes head* It was a mess. *sigh*

Monday is the mid-term for Oceanography…I’m not looking overly forward to that either. *sigh* I’m half wishing I was in Earth Science, least then I would have James in a class with me.

I’m not even sure what I’m suppose to have done for Human Growth & Development.

Algebra…I got most of the homework for tomorrow figured out, just a few of the problems are giving me troubles. Guess I will just have to see what’s what. *shrugs* I’m not sure when mid-term is for algebra…I could check the sheet, but that is just too troublesome at this point.

This semester just sucks…I don’t know where my brain is at. *shakes head* *sigh* It went on vacation last semester and hasn’t decided to return yet.

Not quite before five I gotted a text…It was a ‘good-night’ text, more or less.
“just wanted to say sweet dreams and xoxoxoxoxo b4 I cant……muwah”
I know it probably doesn’t sound like much to most…But for me, it meant a great deal…Probably due in part that I was feeling kind of put out. Not his fault, I’m sure it was the last thing he would of wanted to do…It’s just my own nature…My own insecurities, and worries, and pessimisticness.

There is what I know, what I should know, what I worry I don’t know…Blah, blah, blah. It’s hard…It would be even if he wasn’t so far away…Well maybe…It depends on how things would be in all actuality if we were in the same area.

As it is, under ‘normal’ circumstances we talk every night…You would think that would at least go some distance in making me feel secure, but no, apparently not. Because even those nights, when I don’t know if he’s going to be on, when he’s going to be on…I wonder what’s keeping him, or who may be keeping him. Here he is hundreds of miles from home, holed up in a hotel room…& I know he’s going to school 8 hours a day…Yet I worry that something else could go on as well. *hangs head* I should trust him, and I do, I just have worries because of how things have worked in the past. Which I am fully aware that I should not bring anywhere near this. This, which I don’t even know what it is…Don’t know if I will ever know…Yeah, I’m a bit on the messed up side, I can admit it.

I guess it’s just hard, since I don’t know what is what, and in the past when I’ve thought I’ve known what is what…It turns out I didn’t after all. Though I should of know things with Todd were doomed. He lived 25-30 miles away, and I never knew when I would see or talk to him. I could go a week or more without hearing from him…When I did it was because 1.) I accidentally caught him awake when I called (because he never returned messages), or 2.) He’d been out at the bar and needed a ride because he was too drunk to drive.
Seriously, he wasn’t worth my time and energy…& thinking about it, really thinking about it, I apparently wasn’t really worth his. Since it pretty much wandered off and ‘forgot’ about me for a while. At least he did realize he made a bad boyfriend. & I know I was pretty much miserable when I really thought about it.

But it’s what I’ve grown to expect…I need to let go of that expectation though, and let the fact that something else could come of things.
If I had a label would I feel any better? I don’t know…Maybe if I had a name for how he felt…Some kind of clue. Which isn’t quite right either, as I know that he likes me…Likes is such a little, tame word though.

I know…
1.) He had a thing for me in high school.
2.) That he’s happy I’ve fallen for him (because he likes me too).
3.) That we ‘talk’ nearly every night…baring complications.
4.) He’s coming up here, and extra bit of driving, to come and get me. [& he went through all the trouble and frustration of trying to sort out the schedule to make it happen.]
5.) He’s taking me back home with him…[Even if it does mean returning on my own, on a bus.]
6.) And various other little odds & ends…

I know…My heart as wandered off, despite me telling it not to do such things. It aches with his absence, even throughout a single day, let alone for this horrid ‘week’. [Yeah, not a full week, at least it’s not suppose to be…He did say something about being back Friday night…Still, seems like a long time from now.]

His birthday is coming up next month…Not sure what to do regarding that. I want to get him something…But I don’t know what…I’ve got a couple things I’m going to be sending him anyway, but I’m not sure that really counts. [I has a bag of blood & some candy for him.]

*yawns* Well…I is of the tiredness…& I should be thinking about getting to bed, school tomorrow and all…

Baby Girl misses Waz…*sigh* Long bloody week…