The Usual These Days

My next entry was going to be a continuation of updates but instead I need to write this…

For about 3 years now, I have had something to what i self diagnosed as anxiety.  No idea why it started but I’ve always had a bit of, let’s just say hesitance with my life.

It’s possible it’s because I started more stressful things at work and I started using Advocare’ s energy drink which is just like a straight energy shot, literally (my body so did not like those).

I haven’t been the same since. It freakin sucks to put it lightly.   Most the time I don’t really know what to do but just struggle through it.

I got an actual journal a few months ago and that can help.  But most the time I just have to call Ryan and talk with him.  it gets my mind off of it.

Most days I struggle with even leaving the house because I never know if today is one of the days it’s going to come on.   Yesterday was one of those days. Today was one of those days.

This is one of the main reasons I don’t go places much or tend to back out when I do say I’m going to do something.  It’s not that I don’t want to.  I desperately want to, but I’m scared.  Scared all the freaking time.

When I’m with Ryan, it helps.  I know he has my back no matter what.