jus thinking lately…

Lately I have been feeling like i am pulling doug down or something like that… im not quite sure what the word im looking for is…

the other day i was thinking about how i put pressure on him about important event that go on in my life and how he needs to be there for them. i realized that  i do this bc my ex was not at like ANY of the impt ones. aka high school graduation, my prom. and he didnt want to go to his prom ETC.

Do i need to be putting this pressure on doug? i guess i just dont want him to fail (if thats the right word) as a bf…

another thing that i noticed today was that he used to talk to so many more ppl. mainly girls. but guys too. what happened to them? did my jealousy make him lose them or did they just stop talking to him bc he has a gf now? and if thats it than why do ppl have to do that? just bc we are together now doesnt mean we dont want to hang out. it just means we will probly be together considering we never get to see each.

i am just curious if i am the one who caused htese ppl to stop talking to him. were they just girls that wanted him but now that they cant have him they dont talk to him? or is it just bc he never seems them anymore at school?  its like on him myspace page about 7 months after we started dating there are just comments from me and his two best friends. is he afriad to talk to these other girls bc i would get jealous? would I?

can ppl change? i would love to get rid of my jealous thing. its so annoying being jealous just bc ur bf has a girl lab partner or bc he went to lunch with a couple girls from work or bc one girl said she missed him and he said it back or bc of things that him and his ex did that we ddont do…..

day by day i have been changing… God is helping me alot: finding Him, becoming a born-again virgin with doug, healing friendships…

BECOMING A GROWNUP… I KIND OF LIKE IT….

but can i get rid of jealousy??

i hope…..