Proper update

These last couple of weeks have been a bit rough for me in terms of pretty much anything. I feel like that ticking time bomb feeling has been worse then ever and that I have hit an all time low.

I had what I thought could be a few different job opportunities that just went no where. I had what we all thought could be one in my office with my senior csr being promoted to our new assistant manager. however they have decided to open her vacant spot as 2 part time positions instead of 1 fulltime position. I was going to try to make a move to that side so I could try to advance my career. Talk about a blow there.I feel like the bank hasn’t been very considerate to any of its employees who want to move up and its just absurd. Now I really feel like I am stuck at a dead end job.

Between the job and matt….I feel horrible. I don’t want to be at work and I don’t want to be at home a lot. Matt and I had a fight today where we were really yelling and screaming at each other. I’m fed up with him playing with the facebook games. conversation is very little. We just don’t talk about much. when he is home its the games. I saw next to nothing out o him last weekend, memorial day weekend, because he was working or at his parents house. his aunt and uncle were out from long island. I wanted to see hem but I just cant stand his dads drinking. Matt seems oblivious to some of that. After this fight I got really upset and had an anxiety attack. I want conversation. I want to go out and do something. when I ask him questions about what he wants to do if anything I don’t get answers because he cant stop the fucking game playing.if he isn’t playing the damn games hes passed out sleeping on the couch much like he is doing right now. t frustrates me because I try to engage him in conversation and I don’t know what to do.

i’m seriously ready to consider counseling if he doesn’t come around.

I need sleep..badly to….my hours at work have me running ragged. I love going to work early and being home from work early. I can do things like clean and cross stitch more. After a month I haven’t adjusted to staying up late and getting up early. I cant seem to sleep more then 4-5 hours a night even with the ambien. Some of it I think is that my back hurts so bad some nights that it just disrupts my sleep.

I haven’t really done much of anything else that I can think of off of the top of my head. I am sorry that this has turned into more of a whining entry then anything else but I really needed to do this. think I am going to drag matt out tomorrow to go see the hangover just to get out of the house and for something to do.

I hope that everyone else is doing well.