The Quiet Dissertation of a Madman

Calling to those that have met misfortune, I find myself at a loss for words. I have a definite bind of thought on the subject of life and I wish to discard it straight away. Yet, to do so would require some degree of education, or at least a right of way. I myself have never been very talented at expression; I mainly deal in extraction. It is my single aspiration to simply distract life’s gaze. So I often find myself at a cross in the road, at a turn, or a fork. And it is there, at these findings, these positions, that I face the unfaceable so to speak. Yes, that would be dementia is a crystal latch that finds itself encased around the boundary to my heart. So it is that I am, and here is where I take my stand and my leave. I cry to the shadows and darkness does not apply, for only the light can hear the screams of the fallen. Yet, it is the very duty of the light to ignore the disturbance. Sadly, I must face this fact.

A holy, besmirching remark is that which resides within my speak. I find that I am not one of them, one of those, or even a part of me. I cannot describe myself in the tangible or the infinite. I can only bow to the unknown and the indecipherable connection that creates life out of no life. Again, my thoughts go undeveloped, for there is no way to accept ignorance. For to unveil the thing and understand it, would be to erase it entirely. How it is that I have even come this far eludes even my presence. Yet, that evolution of thought has still provided its services in my name. And so I do not deny it, but welcome its beauty. Although, try as I may to grasp the power, there are certain currents that no man can ever grab hold.

Thus is the way of ‘I am.’ So, speaking as one something to another, I must grant serenity to the masses of hallowed individuals. Those men and women that do not have existence, or a reason, or a name. Those we call ‘the we’ and those we call ‘ourselves.’ A duty has arisen and I have found the unlikely plight to lead. A striking distance has befallen my gate, and I am forever in a state of taut calamity. I have said goodbye to that which is normality, and have turned away from tomorrow’s door. The task, for me, is done. Yet, the coming, for me, has yet to climax. And so I stand to look at the population, and so I stand to judge. I have formally deduced the way, and, regretfully, know the secret of the failure. That is to say, I know the undeserved.

Never has it occurred to another to lead. It has only befallen them. And so, I say this to all of you, before I begin, and before I end: know me. Know me; for I am you and you are I. Know me; for I come to you to know you. Know me; for you come to me to know me. Know me; for it is within myself that you may lie. Know me; for death will come shortly. Know me; for life will follow suit. Know me; for the good of it all. Know me; for the sake of the none. Know me; for the passing of the tide. Know me; for the rise. Know me; for the fall. Know me; for I beg this of you.

Do not torment yourself with the why. Ask only that which you know the answer to. Assume only that which is fact. Deny only that which is far from the truth. Confirm only that which is. I come not to disrupt, that is not my way. Unfortunately, disruption, like death, is of the inevitably consuming. To morph the solidarity of what was once the flow, I must do that which is uncommon. I must find the solution within your hearts. Yet, you will not understand. Mark this. Mark this, for it is true. You will not understand. In time, when the passing of it all is but a morrow, you can view it as a faded respect. Then, and only then, can the taint of regret be forever hesitant. Then, and only then, can the misunderstood be revealed. I say this to you all, with deepest regards, and most humble respects.

Here it is that I leave you, and begin. Now is the time to think: to stop the wish and the plea for hope. Now is the time to thank, before it has become of late. Thank before you hate, and the hate will go undone. Hatred is but a miser that creeps along the gully awaiting his chance at entanglement. Before he is freed, thank the stars. A heaven is a bright one this day, and it shines for those to come. I am but the messenger. That is all. I see no more within than I do without. I can only hope to justify the unending. This will be done by its other. To find ‘the other,’ you must first discover ‘the it.’ ‘The it’ is, ‘the other’ is not. So I will make ‘the is’ into ‘the not.’

I do not prefer the term murderer. That is not what I do. I am but a messenger. If that entails the taking of a life, then so be it. I can not choose my path; I have not been so lucky. Do not judge lest I judge you. Look to the in to see why I come. Perhaps then you shall at least feel gratified. Yet, as I said before, you will not understand. Sadly, that is to be my way. I must work without such a luxury. Simply remember, when the time comes, and the clouds have evaded the skies, you will know. And then, I will be but a pawn in the intricate way. You will see, yes, but you will not understand.

A guy