Skyward cont.

 Claire was never the girl I wanted. She was just the girl I had. I didn’t mean for us to happen, I didn’t mean for any of it. All I wanted was a love worthy of a lifetime. But what I got was Claire.

 I didn’t say goodbye when I left for court that morning. Claire held Thomas and clutched Susan’s hand. They smiled and waved. Susan whistled a squeaky farewell through the small gap in her front teeth where a baby tooth had wriggled back and forth just hours before. Thomas gurgled on saliva, attempting to formulate a coherent sound. Claire curled her thin lips into a soft and loving smile. And I didn’t say goodbye- not to any of them.

 Another divorce case at work. A man named Frank Lipps cheated on his wife of fifteen years. She wanted everything. He wanted his life back. It’s hard to pick a side, but that isn’t my job. I’m assigned. I’m bought and paid for. I prove the innocence or guilt of a man or a woman based solely on who hires me first. This time it just happened to be Frank Lipps.

 I sighed as I looked over the case file of Mr. Frank Lipps. A man who worked hard, built an empire out of a corner store. His three children almost grown. One a senior in college, the other two, twins, seniors in high school. I read over the statements of the family members. I read over what his kids had to say. I read about Mr. Lipps’ apparent "betrayal to his family." I read all of this and felt sad for Frank Lipps. I read all of this and felt sad for myself.

 I reaturned home late that night. I had not eaten. The house was dark and Claire was asleep on the couch, clutching a book to her chest. A small light was on next to her. She looked peaceful. She was slender- pretty. I watched her body move slowly in tune with her breathing and wondered what it must be like to feel secure. I squinted at Claire, at the woman I had slept beside for the previous twelve years. I squinted at the woman I had provided for, at the woman I was supposed to "love." I turned away and wandered into the kitchen. I had a sandwich and went to bed without waking her.

 The next morning I awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon simmering on a skillet. I pulled my hands through my hair and wondered what the occasion was. Claire was in the kitchen humming, a white apron pulled tight around her waist, still slim after all of those years. I sat down at the table, next to Susan who was busy digging through a recently opened serial box. After a moment her eyes lit up and she pulled out a small toy ring excitedly, spilling cereal all over the table. I smiled at her.

 I rushed out of the house before breakfast was served. "Late for a meeting," I had said. Claire was gracious and kissed me romantically on the mouth. She was a very physical person- and she loved me. I wasn’t very talented when it came to hiding my own disinterest, but Claire had a knack for finding substance where there was none- so we both managed I suppose. Not to mention that physicality can exist pretty easily between a man and a woman that share an attraction, with or without love.

  Back to Mr. Frank Lipps. I approached the bench and spoke with the judge. The offensive was strong. The man had cheated, broken the sacred bond of marraige. He was the one who had ruined things. If he had just stayed complacent, kept his mouth shut, and his pants zipped, then everyone would still be happily living a lie. It’s really too bad that they don’t accept bravery as a defense in court.

 Mr. Frank Lipps lost his assets and his home because he didn’t want to live out the remainded of his life as a man pretending to be a husband. He made a decision and he found someone that made him feel the way he had always thought he should. After the judge had ruled, I turned to Lipps to apologize. He smiled and said, "she can have it." And he left.

 I had a dream that night. I was walking down a dirt path in the middle of a forest. The leaves were orange and brown and red, the colours of autumn. I just walked and walked. Suddenly Claire ran by and I turned to watch her as she disappeared behind me- but I didn’t follow. I just watched. Then, slowly, the leaves began to fall, one by one, scattering the path and gently caressing my body; the leaves fell as rain.

 Claire was never the girl I wanted, just the one I followed. There is a difference between the person you fall for and the one you settle for. They’ll say I was selfish, that I should think about the kids. They’ll say I "bretrayed the family." I say there are two directions to every path- and I simply decided to turn around.

 One morning I noticed autumn for the first time. As I walked down the street I scanned the colors of the trees: the reds, browns, and oranges. I passed husbands and wives kissing each other goodbye. I kept walking and the leaves fell like rain.

A guy