funny that

I’m at school.  I have a 4 and a half hour break between classes which is bullshit as far as I am concerned.  I realize how arrogant I sound but college is really beneath my intellectual capabilities.  I suppose I should have a higher GPA than 93% but the lack lustre classes make me bored and boredom for me is just sublimated anger.  I should be reading right now or working on my target market analysis but I’m not.  I should actually attend a networking event instead of hunting down events there’s no way of tracing.  I have completed my networking assignment due February 18th for an event occurring this coming Sunday….. yeah.  Faking it is so much better than actually forcing myself into social situations for a mere 15% of my mark.  You watch, I’ll get 100% on the assignment which will further drive me to distraction.  Meh.

I might do some reading though because the hypochondria I spoke of in my last entry got the better of me last week.  I broke down and went to the doctor strictly for the placebo effect.  The thing though is that, according to my doctor, I still have a touch of bronchitis left over from November, I have to keep a food/pain journal because it seems as though I have the beginnings of a stomach ulcer and (this part is my personal favourite), there is definitely something wrong with my ovary.  When the doctor pressed on it I tried to grab at air to brace myself from the pain.  Four days later I was enduring the indignity of an ultrasound.  Not just the regular fill your bladder up with water and lie flat on your back while they press on your near explosive piss sack…..no.  I also had an internal ultrasound which involves a device not entirely unlike a dildo inserted into your vagina while a technician wiggles the damn thing around…. over and over.  I am so fucking undersexed that I had to concentrate on grocery items and dirty laundry to not be stimulated by this somewhat invasive diagnostic testing.  I am anxiously awaiting the results.  I’m pulling for a cyst or a fibroid.

I’m so pissed a Jordan, not because i had to try to not get turned on by the ultrasound but because last weekend we went away together and he brought the fucking PS3.  Also because he takes care of his needs before those of the relationship.  There’s this imbalance because I am in charge of everything, not because i am a control freak or want the responsibility of everything but because he is a combination of selfish, lazy and stupid.  Why would i be with someone like that…. because he is everything I wish I could be.  My mom beat the shit out of me with her hands, her fists, skate guards, wire brushes, wooden spoons, belt buckles, you name it….. to make sure I would never be selfish, lazy or stupid.  I no longer have the ability to make a selfish decision, I can’t sit still and just relax, and I am an over achiever who chastises myself for a 93 % grade average….. all of which is to my detriment. My birthday’s this weekend, he better get me something good and I’d better not hold my breath.

I like the new cake album….. it makes me feel warm and trippy.