a mighty oak

Just returned from the shrink’s couch.  She said some fairly enlightening things.  She said I’m so competitive and such an overachiever that I’m try to race her to unravel the mystery that is me before she does…. this is true.

She said that I hate being helped so much that I’ll point out how n ot helpful helpful people are to me and point out how helpful useless idiots are to the helpful people just to make sure no one’s helping me but me…..close to true.  at least i have to observe that one some more.  I DEFINITELY GO OUT OF MY WAY TO BE HELPFUL TO ANYONE WHO EVEN SHOWS ME A MORSEL OF KINDNESS, even to my own detriment, just so that I don’t own them a thing.

She said I jump to fix things when people talk to me.  so if Lenox says "I’m not sure I see the point to post secondary education" my immediate response to to show her as many points as i possibly can and that I would be challenged to respond with an "is that so" or ever more challenged to not respond at all….. definitely ytrue, without a doubt.

How complicated does that make therapy…..I want help but won’t accept t and  will complicate things just so she’s wrong and I’m right? 

And how does all of this impact my faith journey and my relationship with God?  If there was a God I wouldn’t want help from it anyway….. I don’t need help, I’ve got things covered…. yup.

That’s about right.  I see god as a mighty oak tree and i am an acorn that fell to the earth with everything I need to grow into a mighty oak.

Ugh…. just ugh.