02:10 PM

2:10 PM

it was the way it smelled, the warmth and sincerity in each voice that made me feel a sense of belonging, though it wasnt really my own. it was yours, but it struck me as beautiful, something i’ve burned for for eighteen half-lived years. every vision grew inside me, brought forth more longing for the home i imagined i should have had. but in each moment, one simple fact hung ominously:

this is not your life. you are the audience.

it would mean so much to be able to love this place from within, to be a part of it. oh, if only i had known less of concrete and cash and absence. the weight of my past is always more than i can explain, and i so intensely desire something quieter, somewhere quieter. somewhere over hills, under crystalline black skies, where all the noise and all the static just dissolves- and everything is so much more real.

going to carroll was like falling in love. it was as much the way it felt as the way i reacted, it was the instant boundless joy and appreciation i found within the simple setting, so similar to the way i feel in your arms. and like everything about you, it was better than i could have ever hoped for.