31/07/2020

It’s been so hot today- like swelteringly hot. My cat’s been asleep on my bed all day and every time I’ve walked past her I’ve been tempted to simply throw everything in the air and lie down next to her. I went out to the shop and that was all I had. A friend was meant to be coming round tonight, but when I didn’t hear anything from him by 4pm I texted and said I was going out with someone else. I din’t want to wait and then be let down as has happened before with semi friend/semi hook ups. He messaged back about an hour later saying it was a shame as he was really looking forward to coming- and now I’m debating whether to call him back. I’m just feeling extremely un-hot at the moment. My weight has spiralled in the last couple of weeks and I’ve started dieting again this week but nothing’s come off yet. Plus it’s just so hot I don’t really have the energy to do anything. We were going to go to the pub and have a couple of drinks, but I really don’t think I have the energy. Last time he stayed over, and then was angling for breakfast the next morning when I was discretely trying to get him to leave. Although, on the other side, we did get on quite ok during the evening, and he’d was ok company. He’s been a strange one- I’ve only seen him 3 times or so but he kind of left me feeling very ambivalent. I did like him, just not that much. At some point in the last 6 months, when I’ve been trying to work out sexuality and what I actually want from a partner atm, I’ve felt quite affectionately towards him, and then other times just really neutral. He saw me last year, and I’ve put on half a stone since then which sounds so unbelievably superficial, but just isn’t making me inclined to want to see him right now.

I was also wanting to have a few sober weekends, although I’m seeing people on Sunday who I’ll likely have a few drinks with but it won’t be messy as I’m busy on Monday and don’t want to be hung over.

There’s a lot more going on at the moment. I’ve just picked up the keys to a new flat- will be in the process of moving over the next couple of weeks. This is very exciting but also strange, I’ll write more another time.

Laters.