29/03/2020

Sooo, it’s 15:50 and I’m still in my dressing gown. Didn’t want to sleep last night, I had a glass of wine at about 11pm, thinking I’d have one and then sleep. Then thought I may as well finish the bottle and then ended up staying awake till about 6.30am debating whether or not to simply stay awake until 7am and walk to the shop to buy another bottle. By the time I actually lay down I was already debating why I’d gone on such a wine drill, but think it was likely just the way things progressed last night. I had a really emotionally calm period last night, after I did some reading and watched a little Freud- my mind relaxed into a thoughtful state and I felt good for a while, although it did quickly spin out of rational, and the strength of that threw me a little.. I think I then sat and wrote for about an hour. I’ve come up with an awesome idea for a book, and I planned quite a bit last night but because it’s based on my own experiences then fell into the obvious hole of thinking “can I write this without going ga ga again..”

I think I need to focus on the point- yes, I, can. It’s a really good idea and I really want to write it. So that needs to be the main driving force behind my actions, and I just need to not focus so much on all the other crap. I’m fighting the reoccuring urge to think, aaah I’ve missed something which is going to negatively in the future.. Last night I got into the mind frame of thinking drinking my wine meant more than it did.. although as said I had a couple of intense experiences before hand so this explains why I ended up on a wine march.

I’m holding back from writing in depth about what happened, although I don’t want to and know that it isn’t right to I may as well practise full disclosure in my own diary. I will but not now, I didn’t sleep for too long and I’m tired.