28/10/2020

So my mental health has been weird this morning. Dad’s over here at the moment, putting up lights in my hallway and lounge. They’re pendant lights and so need the attachments which hold the bulbs at the moment need to be taken out and replaced with new ones. Is therefore slightly trickier than simply putting up average lamp shades. I’m definitely getting better in the sense that I didn’t worry too much about this last night- mum’s heading over as well at some point, whilst he’s still here, to help me put together a small IKEA table for the hallway. The fact that they’re both heading over here again was definitely something which historically trigger stress in me and then subsequently symptoms. However I was alright last night, I didn’t let it freak me out too much.

However today, Im struggling a little bit. I’m sitting on here because I felt awkward simply sitting watching the TV. I can’t really do much to help dad and so I don’t really like just sitting round watching what he’s doing. So I went to ask him if he could use some help, and he said he’d need me in a while to help with a certain part of the job but not right then. So, as said, I’m not going to just stand watching. I think I’m freaking out because I feel as though I have nothing to do- I should be more active, or have things to do. So I’ve come onto here to write a bit before perhaps actually doing some writing. I actually feel better having just normalised what’s happening. It’s my pride really, I don’t like to seem inactive.

However my mental health is weird. I keep getting these swimming sick sensations, and it came on really badly just after dad got here. I wonder whether the stress, has now been kind of re-channelled into a physical reaction to it. I wonder whether I’ve fought that stress for so long it’s now become kind of unacceptable. The slow start to the symptoms I experienced today very quickly turned into this sickness. Felt absolutely horrible for a while but passed fully after a couple of minutes. Is weird, and I’m going to book a doctors appointment today, lines open at 2pm.

So today will be ok, it really will be. Just ride it out and deal with the negative/difficult moments as they happen. I’m heading out later tonight for a meal with my friend which I’m really looking forward to.

Peace out 🙂