03/04/2020

I feel like we’re deep into this Corona Virus situation now; I’m so used to basically self isolating the practise of keeping myself to myself and dealing with my own company doesn’t bother me too much. However I’m speaking to friends who seem to be feeling the strain, although, to be fair they are in completely different situations than I am, and so I don’t really have the right to judge. It’s just a friend who I have always viewed as being the most on the ball, capable, practical person mentionned that her mental health was suffering a little bit the other day. It made me see her in a new light, and to feel really bad for her. I hate the idea of someone whose usually so on it, feeling negative in the way which I can often do.

My sister has said to me repeatedly, over the years, don’t assume that you are so different, don’t assume that just because you have a diagnosis and symptoms which are perhaps more pronounced, that other people don’t have days and moments when they feel just as under the weather, just as vulnerable. I guess it’s always stuck with me because when i’m having a particually bad moment it helps to try and normalise it, it helps to pull me out of the really intense, self obsessive symptoms. So her advice, as always, is positive, it’s just strange trying to imagine certain people I know going through the same kind of thought processes and feelings which I deal with at times. They seem so normal, you know? So well put together- it’s perception changing seeing them in this different way.

I started working on a different novel. After writing my last post I spent a few hours planning the “one, and/or the other” novel, and it was difficult. Mainly because I’m trying to pull together so many different story lines and arcs, and plot points which are all fairly messy. Obviously as well it’s also very personal and based on experiences which sensibly, I shouldn’t try and pull back into the light. After planning for a while I did start to feel a little floopy, and so when I got up the next day I’ve started working on the other project I have which I feel really enthusiastic about, but which isn’t so totally based on me!! So I’m really positive and psyched for this, because again it’s a great premise and I have the whole thing plotted out fairly well already, at least in a draft form. I’ve already written about 30, 000 words of it, so the first stage is editting which I’m actually enjoying now as well.

I sat and worked on the first chapter for a couple of hours yesterday, maybe longer, and so feel good about that. It’s another slightly messy first chapter in that there is a lot in there and I’ve tried to write it as a slightly surrealistic, nightmarish scene. So editting it is tricky, but I’ve done well and got through a lot.

I’m moving onto this now. Have a good day and stay safe 🙂