November 16, 2003

Without

I tried calling some people because I felt like talking, but no one answered. Not even my last desperate option.

I got a call from an old aquaintance, Katherine. One of the people involved in the best summer of my life. The summer of 2000. For long time readers, it was the summer of Christina, Julie… and Alix. And the phone call got me very nostalgic. Got me thinking about those days. And… and… got me thinking about Alix. And about the passion of that summer. It was thick with feeling and experience. Thick with being a part of something.

I called Alix, but she didn’t answer her cell phone.
“It still haunts you, doesn’t it?” Yes. It does I guess.

Pictures are the devil’s joy.

I lack a cause. I lack being a part of something bigger than me. Mostly, I guess I lack innocence. I lack being gold. And trying to stay that way. The time when all I wanted was to be with you… whoever that was. When I had so much to give… and I gave it. So much to experience… and I was experiencing it all.

And now this feels empty.

You know, I think you still have so much to give. It’s just finding the right time to give it. You’re amazing, by the way.

Isaiah Paul

November 18, 2003

But you do belong to something much bigger than yourself: The Body of Christ.

just woke up

i was the last desperate option, wasn’t i? i will call you soon. i swear.

alainajoann

I hate when I need to talk to somebody about something and they don’t answer their phone..it’s depressing. I love pictures..even if they are pictures that remind me of something sad..b/c they’ll never let me forget that day in time. *hugs* alaina joann

saix

November 19, 2003

sigh.

you should become a buddhist monk. they get to wear robes.

cilantro

ya, ya, ya. Poor David. You didn’t try to call me! I’ve checked my messages. Not even a last desperate option huh? I see how it is. ~

didnt try to call me either. but im never home. like it matters. hooray spam.

Coca-Cola Classic

November 22, 2003

david! you can always call my mom when you are lonely! and david! they do have a website! and a mailing list! and that is how i knew! http://www.themountaingoats.net!

RYN: Oooooohhh. It makes so much sense now! Wow! I’m a changed woman! You are surely wise and mighty, oh David! Bless you for bestowing upon me thy testiment that I may go forth and change the world! mmmmm. sarcasm. yummy ~

Vice_and_Virtue

November 24, 2003

“Pictures are the devil’s joy.” So are memories…

RYN #2: I dunno. Maybe he was with Shannon. Pork sucks. Bacon rules. ~

November 26, 2003

thanks for the note. It was nice. I’m definitely going to keep going though. Regardless if Bill and date I’m going to keep going because I love Applebees. But thanks for your thoughts. I really love and appreciate your notes. *bunches of hugs* alaina joann