Once

I’ve been meaning to write in here for awhile. My lack of emotional energy to actually do so says all I would have expressed, in much less words. Be that none.

I keep making choices in life that take me further from what I want. These choices seem so difficult to reverse for some reason. I just keep digging further into the hole, looking up every now and then at the now distant blue sky I once gazed upon easily. Maybe I fear I’m down too deep to return and I might as well dig further in hopes in takes me somewhere else… but really there is only more dirt. One day, I am bound to wake up and realize the irreparable truth of all this.

I used to write entries on specific concepts or ideas, each a little different from the other. Now, it seems, I just keep writing the same entry, trying desperately to say the same thing clearly… never quite achieving that end. And I know it’s just repeated dreary sounding words. And one is bound to think, "Come on David, write something positive for a change." I’m waiting as well. It’s just everything has this glaze of unhappiness… even my moments of good feelings. And I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m trying.

I think that’s why it’s all I ever write here. Because there’s no one else I’ll admit this too. And it needs to be told. And part of me believes this once epicenter of my social world is now a vacuum… yet, as with all relics and ruins, it became sacred as soon as it lost its function. Here, one can speak to the divine without having to face a direct response to your foolish, all-too-human thoughts.