My Little Ice Queen

I just passed by Danielle Kincebach after one of my classes. She was the girl I had a crush on… and according and likely fell in love with (though the research is somewhat inconclusive at this point)… for the whole four years of high school. What she is for me now is difficult to say. I hardly see her and when I do there’s nearly never any conversation and even when there is it is never of any substantial meaning. I still value and care about her. She was, is and will always be important to me.

Either way, I passed her. She still is beautiful… but different. She had her hair partially styled and what appeared to be a different shade than her natural color. Her clothes, as usual nowadays, were fashionable and very modern in feminine trends. Her makeup was certainly very strongly a presence on her face. These weren’t what were the causes of me saying she is still beautiful, in case that misunderstanding occurred… the beauty was with her as she is herself. These are merely characteristics of her look currently.

I then recalled, for the first time since college had made these changes on her physical appearance, the Danielle from freshman year of high school (which was followed with a glowing nostalgic smile). The Danielle who, because of her mom’s lack of money to provide differently for her and her two brothers, wore simple clothes (hardly the heighth of fashion, had hair that wasn’t complexly styled or colored (probably quickly brushed in the morning) and wore very little makeup if any.

I remember her telling me once about how scary and intimidating high school had been for her that first year, how she had gone home crying. Although it was a year before I knew her personally, I remember watching her that first year (having a crush on her and everything). She was a delicate thing, very cautious and quiet. She was the epitome of the simple girl-next-door. I recall how she was always insecure about her lack of money, no matter how much she casually joked about it. How she was always afraid of how people were going to thing of her.

Through the four years of high school this slowly changed, she became more popular and more socially outspoken (which was mostly superficial speech). College continued this trend. I am not here to say these changes are bad for her.  I don’t know why or how she is able to afford these clothing styles and make-up now, but I am glad she can. In the end, I just hope these changes have produced happiness. It’s been three and a half years since I had an idea of how she was doing. I just hope she’s happy. I hope life is being good to my little ice queen. She seems to have financial security, I just hope she has the emotional benefits of love, self-satisfaction and security, and success surrounding her.

That there’s chance and possibility, based in the circumstances, that she might very happy now, makes me feel that vague sense of happiness in a region of myself.