I Want To Be With Your Daughter

“No more I love you’s, the language is leaving me in silence…”

Watching Say Anything… tonight reminded me of what it was like to be “in love.” Honestly I had forgotten. Actually, I had quit thinking about the concept entirely for about the past 10 months. The movie somewhat reminded me of how it felt. The things and emotions involved.

Wish it didn’t seem like such a foreign thing… so much of a recollection of a belief and feeling. All I could come to by the end was this theory: “love is only possible in high school.” How messed up a theory is that for me to come to and believe? And I do believe it I think. It makes sense. The factors are there in high school that make love (what I see as love) possible. Mind that how I think of love now… is different. Possibly perverse to other minds. But to me, it just makes sense. Like evolution does to the scientist standing before a jury of priests.

I want to marry. I want to have a wife. I am not looking for “the love of my life” for my marriage. That is not why I want to marry. I want to marry so I have someone who has entered a covenant of commitment with me. It’s that agreement, that promise which I want. The lifelong vow of bond. I want to have a woman beside me through life whom I would call “my wife,” and by that mean, “The one who is staying with me through this, the one who I am staying with, so that we will face all things together.” Some might interject saying, “well, isn’t that love then?” Sure. You could put the label of love onto nearly anything, but then it loses its individuality, its identity. I have narrowed it down to what can only live and breathe in the high school years… and possibly slightly during college. So this situation is not love. It’s more business. But a very bonded business with strong intimacy and trust. marriage. not love.

ugh. I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.

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January 18, 2004

this kind of reminds me of when i seriously considered being a nun.

January 18, 2004

I love that movie. Course I pretty much love all his movies. Thanks for the note by the way. My friends are a little freaked out about the whole thing so I think I’m not going to go until I can take somebody with me and I’m really not all about driving 2 hrs. *hugs*

January 19, 2004

i don’t think it’s so much that high school is the place to fall in love as that it’s kind of tough in college. i mean, in high school, your girlfriend would likely be somebody you’d known for several years, and after a period of anguish you finally ask her out and she says yes. whereas, if your college is anything like mine, there’s not much in the way of dating.

January 19, 2004

awwww….marriage is a bond in love and buisness because yes someone is there for you through life, but if u don’t marry for love at first, you eventually will love each other because if you look at it the way with arranged marriages, they end up loving each other through the hardships they go through.

yes. but then, by what you are saying, that could happen with anyone. What then is the significance of labeling it love? And why then look to marry your “true love?” Simply look for someone that fits your lifestyle. Love as is perceived can get in the way of noticing whether lifestyles truly make sense for marriage. -David.

Really? I’m under the impression love is impossible in high school… I don’t beleive in evolution either. ~

January 21, 2004

oh me. well, someone once said that that which comes nearest to espessing the inexpressable, next to silence is music.

January 23, 2004

First of all, *MWAH* I feel like I haven’t been here in so long. It just feels right to want to give you a big fat juicy kiss. I have so much I need to say. I hope I can say it all. Love is different out of high school, but it is still love. Emotions that we feel mature right along with us. Growing up isn’t much fun, is it?